Category Archives: Marriage/Relationships

5 Ways Porn Hurts Our Sons and Daughters

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*This post courtesy of AllProDad.com*

When the only thing they hear from adults about sex is that it is bad and you shouldn’t do it they know they aren’t hearing the full story. When parents fail to give the full picture of sex kids will go looking for answers somewhere else. The “somewhere else” is porn. I was recently speaking to a father who caught his twelve-year-old daughter watching porn. He remarked, “I’ve seen plenty of porn during my life, but the stuff she was watching was disturbing.” His experience is the new normal. The average age a child encounters porn for the first time is between the ages of nine and eleven, and mainstream porn continues to get more extreme, violent, and degrading.

The internet and smartphones have opened the door to an invading army of porn into the minds and hearts of our kids. The consequences are devastating. Here are 5 ways porn hurts our sons and daughters.

1. Sexualizing Our Kids

The term “teen” has been in the top three highest searched words on porn sites for the past three years. One year, 2014, it was number one. That should make us all sick. We are talking about kids. This means a majority of people looking at porn on the internet desire watching kids. When porn site visits outnumber Amazon, Netflix, and Twitter combined, think about how many people are looking to watch kids having sex. Think about how many child predators are being fueled and emboldened. What is all of this communicating to our sons and daughters?

2. Losing Innocence

The culture surrounding porn is reinforcing the idea that kids can be sex objects. [Tweet This] This was evident in 2010 when eight-year-old girls danced in a competition to the song “Single Ladies” with highly sexualized moves while wearing lingerie. The crowd on hand, which included the girls’ parents, wasn’t horrified. Instead, they hooted, hollered, and cheered. We are teaching our sons and daughters at a young age if they want to be noticed they need to be sexy. It all starts with our pornified culture. And kids have gotten the message loud and clear.

3. Feelings of Shame, Guilt, and Depression

What happens next is tweens and teens play at being sexy. They quickly believe the lie that the best place to learn how to be sexual is through internet porn, which is easily accessible and affordable in large quantities. The images of mainstream pornography they encounter within one minute of searching are violent and graphic. The images are burned into their brains forever. The pornographers are telling them that this is the sexual experience. Deep down they know they have seen something they shouldn’t have seen, but their brains can’t make sense of it. They are excited and embarrassed, but they don’t know why. They feel ashamed and guilty, but too scared to talk to anyone for fear of being in trouble.

4. Addiction

Little do they know what their developing brains have been doing while viewing porn. It’s released large amounts of dopamine, which gives the feeling of pleasure in the rewards center of the brain. This gives them the urge to come back again and forms a connection with the image (a connection meant for a person). This causes an addiction, which is more powerfully ingrained the younger their ages when they’re introduced. Since the feeling of euphoria helps them forget about their problems momentarily, porn becomes an unhealthy coping mechanism to distract them from the feelings of shame, guilt, and stress. Unfortunately, it only leaves them feeling emptier so they watch more and the cycle continues.

5. It Fuels Disconnection and Disrespect

Ultimately, porn leads to relational disconnection and degradation. They draw expectations of what sex will be like. Rather than sex being about connecting intimately with someone in the safety of commitment, it becomes a selfish pursuit of getting off. Sex gets cheapened to a physical act and people are reduced to objects of fantasy. A good and rich life is found in relationships. Sadly, this porn culture is leading our sons and daughters far from them. The best thing you can do is educate your kids about the lies and the dangers of pornography. Start early rather than later. At some point, they are going to encounter it and will need you to help them make sense of it. Keep the line of communication open and engage them in conversation so they don’t go it alone.

 What other ways do you believe porn effects our sons and daughters?

Tell us if you agree or not!

10 Things Confident People Don’t Do

Today’s material comes courtesy of Travis Bradberry who is the author of “Emotional Intelligence.”  I hope you enjoy the read and can utilize some of these tips as we head into 2017 to become a more confident person in every aspect of your life.

In The Empire Strikes Back, when Yoda is training Luke to be a Jedi, he demonstrates the power of the Force by raising an X-wing fighter from a swamp. Luke mutters, “I don’t believe it.” Yoda replies, “That is why you fail.”

As usual, Yoda was right—and science backs him up. Numerous studies have proved that confidence is the real key to success.

Studies exploring the performance gap between men and women in math and spatial skills have found that confidence plays a huge role. Women who were asked to identify their gender before taking a spatial skills test performed more poorly than those who weren’t. Women also performed better when they were told to envision themselves as men, and both genders performed better when they were told that their gender is better at the task.

What’s even more interesting is that the gender gap practically disappeared when participants were required to answer every question. Apparently, when the women were allowed to skip questions, they did so not because of a lack of knowledge, but because of a lack of confidence.

“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” — Vincent Van Gogh

True confidence is very different from egotistical swagger. When people believe in themselves and their abilities without bravado, there are certain things they simply don’t do.

They don’t make excuses. If there’s one trait confident people have in spades, it’s self-efficacy—the belief that they can make things Image result for making excuseshappen. It’s about having an internal locus of control rather than an external one. That’s why you won’t hear confident people blaming traffic for making them late or an unf
air boss for their failure to get a promotion. Confident people don’t make excuses, because they believe they’re in control of their own lives.

They don’t quit. Confident people don’t give up the first time something Image result for Don't quitgoes wrong. They see both problems and failures as obstacles to overcome rather than impenetrable barriers to success. That doesn’t mean, however, that they keep trying the s
ame thing over and over. One of the first things confident people do when something goes wrong is to figure out why it went wrong and how they can prevent it the next time.

They don’t wait for permission to act. Confident people don’t need somebody to tell them what to do or when to do it. They don’t waste time asking themselves questions like “Can I?” or “Should I?” If they ask themselves anything, it’s “Why wouldn’tI?” Whether it’s running a meeting when the chairperson doesn’t show up or going the extra mile to solve a customer’s problem, it doesn’t even occur to them to wait for somebody else to take care of it. They see what needs to be done, and they do it.

They don’t seek attention. People are turned off by those who are desperate for attention. Confident people know that being yourself is much more effective than trying to prove that you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what, or how many, people you know. Image result for Seek attentionConfident people always seem to bring the right attitude. Confident people are masters of attention diffusion. When they’re receiving attention for an accomplishment, they quickly shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help get them there. They don’t crave approval or praise because they draw their self-worth from within.

They don’t need constant praise. Have you ever been around somebody who constantly needs to hear how great he or she is? Confident people don’t do that. It goes back to that internal locus of control. They don’t think that their success is dependent on other people’s approval, and they understand that no matter how well they perform, there’s always going to be somebody out there offering nothing but criticism. Confident people also know that the kind of confidence that’s dependent on praise from other people isn’t really confidence at all; it’s narcissism.

They don’t put things off. Why do people procrastinate? Sometimes it’s simply because they’re lazy. A lot of times, though, it’s because they’re afraid—that is, afraid of change, failure, or maybe even success. Confident people don’t put things off. Because they believe in themselves and expect that their actions will lead them closer to their goals, they don’t sit around waiting for the right time or the perfect circumstances. They know that today is the only time that matters. If they think it’s not the right time, they make it the right time.

They don’t pass judgment. Confident people don’t pass judgment on others because they know that everyone has something to offer, and they don’t need to take other Image result for Passing judgmentpeople down a notch in order to feel good about themselves. Comparing yourself to other people is limiting. Confident people don’t waste time sizing people up and worrying about whether or not they measure up to everyone they meet.

They don’t avoid conflict. Confident people don’t see conflict as something to be avoided at all costs; they see it as something to manage effectively. They don’t go along to get along, even when that means having uncomfortable conversations or making unpleasant decisions. They know that conflict is part of life and that they can’t avoid it without cheating themselves out of the good stuff, too.

They don’t let a lack of resources get in their way. Confident people don’t get thrown off course just because they don’t have the right title, the right staff, or the money to make things happen. Either they find a way to get what they need, or they figure out how to get by without it.

They don’t get too comfortable. Confident people understand that getting too comfortable is the mortal enemy of achieving their goals. That’s because they know that comfort leads to complacency, and complacency leads to stagnation. When they start feeling comfortable, they take that as a big red flag and start pushing their boundaries again so that they can continue to grow as both a person and a professional. They understand that a little discomfort is a good thing.

Bringing It All Together

Embracing the behaviors of confident people is a great way to increase your odds for success, which, in turn, will lead to more confidence. The science is clear; now you just have to decide to act on it.

Tell us if you agree or not!

Dating Advice 101 – Landing that Second Date

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We are foregoing the normal fashion blog today to discuss something almost as important: dating.

While getting a first date can at times be tricky, the real difficult part in dating women is locking in the second date.  If you need help getting a first date I highly recommend you watch the movie Hitch.  I know it is a romantic comedy but there are worse things you could be doing than watching a movie with my all-time celebrity crush Eva Mendes.

In the movie there are a lot of pointers for not only scoring a first date but getting to the second date.  If you fast forward to the 2:35 mark in the clip below you will find the key to getting a second date.

“It’s your job not to mess it up.”

We often can spend too much time on the first date doing many of the following: wondering if she likes you, is she having a good time, starting at her boobs/butt, not engaging in conversation or being too worried about what to say.  Like Will Smith says, “She is already out with you.  That means she said yes, when she could have said no. That means she made a plan, when she could have just blown you off.  It means it is no longer your job to make her like you.”

And by not messing it up, we mean putting in the work to ensure you get a second date.  As many of you know I am a happily married man which means I obviously had no problem getting a second date with Sharlay.  However, I know many of you are still going to be skeptical wondering if I really have enough experience to be believed.  First, all these come from my very own arsenal of romance and charm. Second, I dated A LOT of women in New York City.  Before I met Sharlay  I would have to say I dated at least 20 different women during the 5 years I was there before her and I met.  That may seem high to some and low to others but I can tell you it was the most women I have ever dated in my previous 31 years combined. I managed to get second and third dates with most of them so I am pretty confident I know what I am talking about.  I mean have you seen my wife?  No way should I have gotten a woman that beautiful!

 

 

Follow these steps and I promise you are well on your way.

Make a Plan Dummy

She wants to see you put in some effort to the date.  Prior to the date did she ever mention wanting to try a particular restaurant?  Or perhaps she said she had been dying to check out a new bar.  You Image result for Dating quotescan plan on meeting for drinks at said bar and if the night goes well head to that same restaurant for dinner.  Maybe she said she loves mini-golf (not likely I know) or perhaps bowling.  Have a back up option to do something like that after dinner.  If you are able to pull off something that shows you have been listening to her and paying attention she will be impressed I promise.

When Sharlay and I went on our first date I made plans with her to grab dinner.  I made no mention of doing anything afterwards. However, I had also made reservations for a karaoke place that was within walking distance from the restaurant.  The karaoke place was within walking distance to Grand Central Terminal which is where she would be headed after the date to go home.  I was charming enough (according to Sharlay) that I didn’t need the karaoke to seal the second date as she was already on our third date halfway through dinner.  I told you I was good.  It’s not false bravado.

You execute a good plan on a first date and I promise you she is going to say yes to a second date just to see what you can pull off. I cannot overstate how important this step is.

Reasonable Expectations

If you go into a date with reasonable expectations, I personally believe it will make it easier for you to be yourself on the date.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look forward to the date, make a good plan for the date or hold back on the charm.  If you have too high of expectations for a date you can often put too much pressure on yourself.  You want to be loose and carefree on the date.  As Hitch says, “She may not want the whole truth but she does want the real you” so don’t set yourself up for failure.

This can be more challenging when you luck out and manage to score a date with a major hottie but the same rule applies.  I datedBrittney-Palmer-2016-calendar-Hawaiian-style-ali-fashion-0706-3 some truly beautiful women when I was in New York and I am not even sure how it happened most of the time. However, everyone of them turned out to be weird in one way or another.  One of them was super cold and not affectionate at all.  Another one hated going on dates in public and only want to come over to my place or me to hers (which wasn’t terrible if you know what I mean.)  One woman one was super possessive after only two dates and yet another one was such a terrible, awful kisser I just couldn’t take it any more.  The point is they all had their faults and I learned that just because a woman was hot didn’t mean she was going to have what it took for me to stay interested.

I met Sharlay on Match.com so I knew from her photos she was beyond gorgeous but for the most part I didn’t care.  Heading into the date I fully anticipated it would be just another evening with another beautiful woman who had nothing more to offer other than her looks.  Obviously I was wrong, but had I let her looks intimidate on the first date things might not have worked out so well.  As a matter of fact I was so uninterested in how she looked it really opened her eyes to the fact I was a different kind of man than she was used to dating.  It really impressed her that I didn’t fawn over her looks and didn’t get caught staring at her chest.

Curiosity May Have Killed the Cat But It Will Help  You Get…

You are meeting a person for the first time ever and while it probably isn’t the first time you have spoken to her, there should be enough mystery about her, you should have no shortage of questions to ask.  However, this isn’t an interview so don’t grill her to death.

As you guys talk you may find out she loves the same television show or movie as you.  You could ask her who her top three favorite or least favorite characters are in the show.  This is likely to either start a hot debate about the merits of the charters or an instant bonding moment whereby you agree that Janice from the Soprano’s might be the most annoying character of any television show ever created.  Boom. Now you have something in common.

Another easy conversation starter is to ask what was her favorite vacation destination.  Let her talk about it and then ask her “If I were to take a trip to [insert her answer here] what would be the top 3 things I needed to do or see?”  It will show that you already value her opinion and respect her which is never a bad thing.

If she is at all normal these kinds of curious questions will be asked of you in return and before you know it you have been talking non-stop with her throughout the date.  Being able to converse with her is going to win you a lot of brownie points and getting a second date isn’t the only thing you will be getting.

Steer Clear

First dates aren’t the time to be asking about her views on gun control, abortion, Donald Trump, same sex marriage, having kids or the crisis in the Middle East.  Those items (and plenty of others) are sure to derail any chance you have at a second date.

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You may get lucky and find out you agree on all of those issues but chances are you won’t and it likely will end up in a debate or argument that is just not conducive to a romantic evening.  No one wants to hear how smart you think you are.  Leave it at home.

Be a Man

There are a lot of men who are intimidated by being out with a beautiful woman.  Don’t let the fact she is beautiful change the man you are or your expectations of her on a date.  For instance, if you are out on your date and she keeps checking her phone you should call her out on it.  You need to do so in a a self assured way which includes remaining calm and being patient but you should definitely do it.

Before Sharlay and I even went on a date I had to do something similar.  She gave me her number almost right away (I didn’t even need to ask for it) so of course I called her a few days after I received it.  Long story short, she wasn’t so great about returning calls or texts.  Finally, I called one last time and got her voicemail. I left a message simply saying that if she was no longer interested in going on a date that was fine just let me know so I can stop wasting my time.  It may not have been that rude but that was the basic message.  Guess what?  She called me back!

She would later tell me that most guys would hang around forever and try to get her to call them or text them simply because they were so enamored with her beauty (i.e. they really wanted to hook up with her.)  So when I was rather quick to draw the line and call it quits she was surprised and also attracted to me simply because I was standing up for myself.

Throw Out “The Rules”

I hate all the so-called “rules” about when you should call a woman back after the first date.  Don’t listen to those boneheads who suggest you wait 3 days to call her.  Chances are she is a hot commodity (pun intended) so if you wait too long some other dude is going to swoop in and steal her from you.

Whenever you drop her off or part ways make sure you tell her you had a nice time, that she was a lot of fun and that you would like to take her out again.  If you get the appropriate response, ask her what day will work best for her and tell her you will call her in a day or two to finalize plans (and be sure you actually do.)

Now you just have to repeat these steps for date number three.

Until tomorrow, make it a better day!

What did we leave out?  Disagree?  Let’s hear it!

Tell us if you agree or not!

When Should You Say No To Your Boss (Courtesy of Travis Bradberry)

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Happy hump day people!  As the mornings continue to get cooler and cooler (even if the afternoons don’t) I am getting more and more excited for the fall season.  If you are a frequent reader of our blog than you know how important I believe work-life balance is not only to a healthy lifestyle but also to a successful marriage and family life. Thus, whether you are single or married balancing both is an important aspect that should be taken seriously.

I am a big fan of Travis Bradberry who has authored several books including Emotional Intelligence 2.0 This is a highly recommend read regardless of your career path, experience level or age. Whenever I see a new article he has written on LinkedIn I always make it a point to read it as soon as possible.  I have found his insights invaluable while I was debating my next career move.

Below is his most recent article on LinkedIn and since many of my readers have demanding jobs and in turn demanding bosses, I wanted to share this with you.  I have learned the hard way that balance is key and wished I had used some of this advice 12 months ago.  Enjoy!

The typical workday is long enough as it is, and technology is making it even longer. When you do finally get home from a full day at the office, your mobile phone rings off the hook, and emails drop into your inbox from people who expect immediate responses.

While most people claim to disconnect as soon as they get home, recent research says otherwise. A study conducted by the American Psychological Association found that more than 50% of us check work email before and after work hours, throughout the weekend, and even when we’re sick. Even worse, 44% of us check work email while on vacation.

A Northern Illinois University study that came out this summer shows just how bad this level of connection really is. The study found that the expectation that people need to respond to emails during off-work hours produces a prolonged stress response, which the researchers named telepressure. Telepressure ensures that you are never able to relax and truly disengage from work. This prolonged state of stress is terrible for your health. Besides increasing your risk of heart disease, depression, and obesity, stress decreases your cognitive performance.

We need to establish boundaries between our personal and professional lives. When we don’t, our work, our health, and our personal lives suffer.

Responding to emails during off-work hours isn’t the only area in which you need to set boundaries. You need to make the critical distinction between what belongs to your employer and what belongs to you and you only. The items that follow are yours. If you don’t set boundaries around them and learn to say no to your boss, you’re giving away something with immeasurable value.

Your health. It’s difficult to know when to set boundaries around your health at work because the decline is so gradual. Allowing stress to build up, losing sleep, and sitting all day without exercising all add up. Before you know it, you’re rubbing your aching back with one hand and your zombie-like eyes with the other, and you’re looking down at your newly-acquired belly. The key here is to not let things sneak up on you, and the way you do that is by keeping a consistent routine. Think about what you need to do to keep yourself healthy (taking walks during lunch, not working weekends, taking your vacations as scheduled, etc.), make a plan, and stick to it no matter what. If you don’t, you’re allowing your work to overstep its bounds.

maxresdefaultYour family. It’s easy to let your family suffer for your work. Many of us do this because we see our jobs as a means of maintaining our families. We have thoughts such as “I need to make more money so that my kids can go to college debt-free.” Though these thoughts are well-intentioned, they can burden your family with the biggest debt of all—a lack of quality time with you. When you’re on your deathbed, you won’t remember how much money you made for your spouse and kids. You’ll remember the memories you created with them.

Your sanity. While weCTivGgYUsAAz9lF all have our own levels of this to begin with, you don’t owe a shred of it to your employer. A job that takes even a small portion of your sanity is taking more than it’s entitled to. Your sanity is something that’s difficult for your boss to keep track of. You have to monitor it on your own and set good limits to keep yourself healthy. Often, it’s your life outside of work that keeps you sane. When you’ve already put in a good day’s (or week’s) work and your boss wants more, the most productive thing you can do is say no, then go and enjoy your friends and hobbies. This way, you return to work refreshed and de-stressed. You certainly can work extra hours if you want to, but it’s important to be able to say no to your boss when you need time away from work.

Your identity. While your work is an important part of your identity, it’s dangerous to allow your work to become your whole identity. You know you’ve allowed this to go too far when you reflect on what’s important to you and work is all that (or most of what) comes to mind. Having an identity outside of work is about more than just having fun. It also helps you relieve stress, grow as a person, and avoid burnout.

Your contacts. While you do owe your employer your best effort, you certainly don’t owe him or her the contacts you’ve developed over the course of your career. Your contacts are a product of your hard work and effort, and while you might share them with your company, they belong to you.

Your integrity. Sacrificing your integrity causes you to experience massive amounts of stress. Once you realize that your actions and beliefs are no longer in alignment, it’s time to make it clear to your employer that you’re not willing to do things his or her way. If that’s a problem for your boss, it might be time to part ways.

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Bringing It All Together

Success and fulfillment often depend upon your ability to set good boundaries. Once you can do this, everything else just falls into place.

What do you do to set boundaries around your work? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

[guestbook-comments]

How to Score a Second Date

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Happy Hump Day Gentlemen!

I thought we would take a moment to discuss dating in today’s blog. While getting a first date can at times be tricky, the real difficult part in dating women is locking in the second date.  If you need help getting a first date I highly recommend you watch the movie Hitch.  I know it is a romantic comedy but there are worse things you could be doing than watching a movie with my all-time celebrity crush Eva Mendes.

In the movie there are a lot of pointers for not only scoring a first date but getting to the second date.  If you fast forward to the 2:35 mark in the clip below you will find the key to getting a second date.

“It’s your job not to mess it up.”

We often can spend too much time on the first date doing many of the following: wondering if she likes you, is she having a good time, starting at her boobs/butt, not engaging in conversation or being too worried about what to say.  Like Will Smith says, “She is already out with you.  That means she said yes, when she could have said no. That means she made a plan, when she could have just blown you off.  It means it is no longer your job to make her like you.”

And by not messing it up, we mean putting in the work to ensure you get a second date.  As many of you know I am a happily married man which means I obviously had no problem getting a second date with Sharlay.  However, I know many of you are still going to be skeptical wondering if I really have enough experience to be believed.  First, all these come from my very own arsenal of romance and charm. Second, I dated A LOT of women in New York City.  Before I met Sharlay  I would have to say I dated at least 20 different women during the 5 years I was there before her and I met.  That may seem high to some and low to others but I can tell you it was the most women I have ever dated in my previous 31 years combined. I managed to get second and third dates with most of them so I am pretty confident I know what I am talking about.  I mean have you seen my wife?  No way should I have gotten a woman that beautiful!

Follow these steps and I promise you are well on your way.

Make a Plan Dummy

She wants to see you put in some effort to the date.  Prior to the date did she ever mention wanting to try a particular restaurant?  Or perhaps she said she had been dying to check out a new bar.  You can plan on meeting for drinks at said bar and if the night goes well head to that same restaurant for dinner.  Maybe she said she loves mini-golf (not likely I know) or perhaps bowling.  Have a back up option to do something like that after dinner.  If you are able to pull off something that shows you have been listening to her and paying attention she will be impressed I promise.

When Sharlay and I went on our first date I made plans with her to grab dinner.  I made no mention of doing anything afterwards. However, I had also made reservations for a karaoke place that was within walking distance from the restaurant.  The karaoke place was within walking distance to Grand Central Terminal which is where she would be headed after the date to go home.  I was charming enough (according to Sharlay) that I didn’t need the karaoke to seal the second date as she was already on our third date halfway through dinner.  I told you I was good.  It’s not false bravado.

You execute a good plan on a first date and I promise you she is going to say yes to a second date just to see what you can pull off. I cannot overstate how important this step is.

Reasonable Expectations

If you go into a date with reasonable expectations, I personally believe it will make it easier for you to be yourself on the date.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look forward to the date, make a good plan for the date or hold back on the charm.  If you have too high of expectations for a date you can often put too much pressure on yourself.  You want to be loose and carefree on the date.  As Hitch says, “She may not want the whole truth but she does want the real you” so don’t set yourself up for failure.

This can be more challenging when you luck out and manage to score a date with a major hottie but the same rule applies.  I datedBrittney-Palmer-2016-calendar-Hawaiian-style-ali-fashion-0706-3 some truly beautiful women when I was in New York and I am not even sure how it happened most of the time. However, everyone of them turned out to be weird in one way or another.  One of them was super cold and not affectionate at all.  Another one hated going on dates in public and only want to come over to my place or me to hers (which wasn’t terrible if you know what I mean.)  One woman one was super possessive after only two dates and yet another one was such a terrible, awful kisser I just couldn’t take it any more.  The point is they all had their faults and I learned that just because a woman was hot didn’t mean she was going to have what it took for me to stay interested.

I met Sharlay on Match.com so I knew from her photos she was beyond gorgeous but for the most part I didn’t care.  Heading into the date I fully anticipated it would be just another evening with another beautiful woman who had nothing more to offer other than her looks.  Obviously I was wrong, but had I let her looks intimidate on the first date things might not have worked out so well.  As a matter of fact I was so uninterested in how she looked it really opened her eyes to the fact I was a different kind of man than she was used to dating.  It really impressed her that I didn’t fawn over her looks and didn’t get caught staring at her chest.

Curiosity May Have Killed the Cat But It Will Help  You Get…

You are meeting a person for the first time ever and while it probably isn’t the first time you have spoken to her, there should be enough mystery about her, you should have no shortage of questions to ask.  However, this isn’t an interview so don’t grill her to death.

As you guys talk you may find out she loves the same television show or movie as you.  You could ask her who her top three favorite or least favorite characters are in the show.  This is likely to either start a hot debate about the merits of the charters or an instant bonding moment whereby you agree that Janice from the Soprano’s might be the most annoying character of any television show ever created.  Boom. Now you have something in common.

Another easy conversation starter is to ask what was her favorite vacation destination.  Let her talk about it and then ask her “If I were to take a trip to [insert her answer here] what would be the top 3 things I needed to do or see?”  It will show that you already value her opinion and respect her which is never a bad thing.

If she is at all normal these kinds of curious questions will be asked of you in return and before you know it you have been talking non-stop with her throughout the date.  Being able to converse with her is going to win you a lot of brownie points and getting a second date isn’t the only thing you will be getting.

Steer Clear

First dates aren’t the time to be asking about her views on gun control, abortion, Donald Trump, same sex marriage, having kids or the crisis in the Middle East.  Those items (and plenty of others) are sure to derail any chance you have at a second date.

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You may get lucky and find out you agree on all of those issues but chances are you won’t and it likely will end up in a debate or argument that is just not conducive to a romantic evening.  No one wants to hear how smart you think you are.  Leave it at home.

Be a Man

There are a lot of men who are intimidated by being out with a beautiful woman.  Don’t let the fact she is beautiful change the man you are or your expectations of her on a date.  For instance, if you are out on your date and she keeps checking her phone you should call her out on it.  You need to do so in a a self assured way which includes remaining calm and being patient but you should definitely do it.

Before Sharlay and I even went on a date I had to do something similar.  She gave me her number almost right away (I didn’t even need to ask for it) so of course I called her a few days after I received it.  Long story short, she wasn’t so great about returning calls or texts.  Finally, I called one last time and got her voicemail. I left a message simply saying that if she was no longer interested in going on a date that was fine just let me know so I can stop wasting my time.  It may not have been that rude but that was the basic message.  Guess what?  She called me back!

She would later tell me that most guys would hang around forever and try to get her to call them or text them simply because they were so enamored with her beauty (i.e. they really wanted to hook up with her.)  So when I was rather quick to draw the line and call it quits she was surprised and also attracted to me simply because I was standing up for myself.

Throw Out “The Rules”

I hate all the so-called “rules” about when you should call a woman back after the first date.  Don’t listen to those boneheads who suggest you wait 3 days to call her.  Chances are she is a hot commodity (pun intended) so if you wait too long some other dude is going to swoop in and steal her from you.

Whenever you drop her off or part ways make sure you tell her you had a nice time, that she was a lot of fun and that you would like to take her out again.  If you get the appropriate response, ask her what day will work best for her and tell her you will call her in a day or two to finalize plans (and be sure you actually do.)

Now you just have to repeat these steps for date number three.

Until tomorrow, make it a better day!

What did we leave out?  Disagree?  Let’s hear it!

Tell us if you agree or not!