Category Archives: Sex

Dating Advice 101 – Landing that Second Date

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We are foregoing the normal fashion blog today to discuss something almost as important: dating.

While getting a first date can at times be tricky, the real difficult part in dating women is locking in the second date.  If you need help getting a first date I highly recommend you watch the movie Hitch.  I know it is a romantic comedy but there are worse things you could be doing than watching a movie with my all-time celebrity crush Eva Mendes.

In the movie there are a lot of pointers for not only scoring a first date but getting to the second date.  If you fast forward to the 2:35 mark in the clip below you will find the key to getting a second date.

“It’s your job not to mess it up.”

We often can spend too much time on the first date doing many of the following: wondering if she likes you, is she having a good time, starting at her boobs/butt, not engaging in conversation or being too worried about what to say.  Like Will Smith says, “She is already out with you.  That means she said yes, when she could have said no. That means she made a plan, when she could have just blown you off.  It means it is no longer your job to make her like you.”

And by not messing it up, we mean putting in the work to ensure you get a second date.  As many of you know I am a happily married man which means I obviously had no problem getting a second date with Sharlay.  However, I know many of you are still going to be skeptical wondering if I really have enough experience to be believed.  First, all these come from my very own arsenal of romance and charm. Second, I dated A LOT of women in New York City.  Before I met Sharlay  I would have to say I dated at least 20 different women during the 5 years I was there before her and I met.  That may seem high to some and low to others but I can tell you it was the most women I have ever dated in my previous 31 years combined. I managed to get second and third dates with most of them so I am pretty confident I know what I am talking about.  I mean have you seen my wife?  No way should I have gotten a woman that beautiful!

 

 

Follow these steps and I promise you are well on your way.

Make a Plan Dummy

She wants to see you put in some effort to the date.  Prior to the date did she ever mention wanting to try a particular restaurant?  Or perhaps she said she had been dying to check out a new bar.  You Image result for Dating quotescan plan on meeting for drinks at said bar and if the night goes well head to that same restaurant for dinner.  Maybe she said she loves mini-golf (not likely I know) or perhaps bowling.  Have a back up option to do something like that after dinner.  If you are able to pull off something that shows you have been listening to her and paying attention she will be impressed I promise.

When Sharlay and I went on our first date I made plans with her to grab dinner.  I made no mention of doing anything afterwards. However, I had also made reservations for a karaoke place that was within walking distance from the restaurant.  The karaoke place was within walking distance to Grand Central Terminal which is where she would be headed after the date to go home.  I was charming enough (according to Sharlay) that I didn’t need the karaoke to seal the second date as she was already on our third date halfway through dinner.  I told you I was good.  It’s not false bravado.

You execute a good plan on a first date and I promise you she is going to say yes to a second date just to see what you can pull off. I cannot overstate how important this step is.

Reasonable Expectations

If you go into a date with reasonable expectations, I personally believe it will make it easier for you to be yourself on the date.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look forward to the date, make a good plan for the date or hold back on the charm.  If you have too high of expectations for a date you can often put too much pressure on yourself.  You want to be loose and carefree on the date.  As Hitch says, “She may not want the whole truth but she does want the real you” so don’t set yourself up for failure.

This can be more challenging when you luck out and manage to score a date with a major hottie but the same rule applies.  I datedBrittney-Palmer-2016-calendar-Hawaiian-style-ali-fashion-0706-3 some truly beautiful women when I was in New York and I am not even sure how it happened most of the time. However, everyone of them turned out to be weird in one way or another.  One of them was super cold and not affectionate at all.  Another one hated going on dates in public and only want to come over to my place or me to hers (which wasn’t terrible if you know what I mean.)  One woman one was super possessive after only two dates and yet another one was such a terrible, awful kisser I just couldn’t take it any more.  The point is they all had their faults and I learned that just because a woman was hot didn’t mean she was going to have what it took for me to stay interested.

I met Sharlay on Match.com so I knew from her photos she was beyond gorgeous but for the most part I didn’t care.  Heading into the date I fully anticipated it would be just another evening with another beautiful woman who had nothing more to offer other than her looks.  Obviously I was wrong, but had I let her looks intimidate on the first date things might not have worked out so well.  As a matter of fact I was so uninterested in how she looked it really opened her eyes to the fact I was a different kind of man than she was used to dating.  It really impressed her that I didn’t fawn over her looks and didn’t get caught staring at her chest.

Curiosity May Have Killed the Cat But It Will Help  You Get…

You are meeting a person for the first time ever and while it probably isn’t the first time you have spoken to her, there should be enough mystery about her, you should have no shortage of questions to ask.  However, this isn’t an interview so don’t grill her to death.

As you guys talk you may find out she loves the same television show or movie as you.  You could ask her who her top three favorite or least favorite characters are in the show.  This is likely to either start a hot debate about the merits of the charters or an instant bonding moment whereby you agree that Janice from the Soprano’s might be the most annoying character of any television show ever created.  Boom. Now you have something in common.

Another easy conversation starter is to ask what was her favorite vacation destination.  Let her talk about it and then ask her “If I were to take a trip to [insert her answer here] what would be the top 3 things I needed to do or see?”  It will show that you already value her opinion and respect her which is never a bad thing.

If she is at all normal these kinds of curious questions will be asked of you in return and before you know it you have been talking non-stop with her throughout the date.  Being able to converse with her is going to win you a lot of brownie points and getting a second date isn’t the only thing you will be getting.

Steer Clear

First dates aren’t the time to be asking about her views on gun control, abortion, Donald Trump, same sex marriage, having kids or the crisis in the Middle East.  Those items (and plenty of others) are sure to derail any chance you have at a second date.

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You may get lucky and find out you agree on all of those issues but chances are you won’t and it likely will end up in a debate or argument that is just not conducive to a romantic evening.  No one wants to hear how smart you think you are.  Leave it at home.

Be a Man

There are a lot of men who are intimidated by being out with a beautiful woman.  Don’t let the fact she is beautiful change the man you are or your expectations of her on a date.  For instance, if you are out on your date and she keeps checking her phone you should call her out on it.  You need to do so in a a self assured way which includes remaining calm and being patient but you should definitely do it.

Before Sharlay and I even went on a date I had to do something similar.  She gave me her number almost right away (I didn’t even need to ask for it) so of course I called her a few days after I received it.  Long story short, she wasn’t so great about returning calls or texts.  Finally, I called one last time and got her voicemail. I left a message simply saying that if she was no longer interested in going on a date that was fine just let me know so I can stop wasting my time.  It may not have been that rude but that was the basic message.  Guess what?  She called me back!

She would later tell me that most guys would hang around forever and try to get her to call them or text them simply because they were so enamored with her beauty (i.e. they really wanted to hook up with her.)  So when I was rather quick to draw the line and call it quits she was surprised and also attracted to me simply because I was standing up for myself.

Throw Out “The Rules”

I hate all the so-called “rules” about when you should call a woman back after the first date.  Don’t listen to those boneheads who suggest you wait 3 days to call her.  Chances are she is a hot commodity (pun intended) so if you wait too long some other dude is going to swoop in and steal her from you.

Whenever you drop her off or part ways make sure you tell her you had a nice time, that she was a lot of fun and that you would like to take her out again.  If you get the appropriate response, ask her what day will work best for her and tell her you will call her in a day or two to finalize plans (and be sure you actually do.)

Now you just have to repeat these steps for date number three.

Until tomorrow, make it a better day!

What did we leave out?  Disagree?  Let’s hear it!

Tell us if you agree or not!

Is She Cheating On You?

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Happy Monday Gentlemen!  Hope you had a great weekend!

Time to tackle a difficult topic.

I hope you have never had to worry or experience having your girlfriend/wife cheat on you.  Sadly, I cannot say the same thing (probably a good time to mention this has nothing to do with my wife.)  I have been in more than one relationship were this happened and despite it happening multiple times, it doesn’t ever get easier to deal with.

With the prevalent place that social media has taken in our lives it has become easier for both men and women to cheat.  Heck, at least one website out there is designed specifically for affairs (I am looking at you Ashley Madison.)  A recent study found that 19% of women admitted to cheating on their boyfriend or husband which is up almost 10% from a similar poll conducted in the 90’s.  Most of the time women cheat on their men because they feel under appreciated, taken for granted or sometimes as a way to get back against their cheating spouse or boyfriend.

Before we get into the meat of this blog I want to issue a warning. Some of you guys are psychotic  and always think your wife or girlfriend is cheating on you, thinking about cheating on you or trying to cheat on you.  Give it a rest dude.  When I hear some of the insane things you accuse your girl of it makes me want to beat your ass.  This is about paying attention to REAL keys that may be an indication she is cheating on you.  The fact she didn’t call you the very moment she a) left work; b) arrived to work; c) got home; d) hit the gym; e) left the gym; f) stopped for gas/groceries/chocolate (you get the idea) doesn’t qualify as a valid reason to go off and accuse her of cheating on you.  Take a breath and calm down you maniac.

Here are some real things to pay attention to (again this doesn’t mean she IS FOR SURE cheating on you, just something to be aware of.)

1. Details Are Lacking

Generally speaking, women are all about the details.  That is one of the reasons it drives her crazy when she asks how your day is and you say, “Good” without further explanation.  When exciting things are happening in her life, she is going to spill the beans in great detail.  If she takes a “work trip” but then doesn’t have much to say about how the trip went it likely didn’t involve much work.

If she says she is going out with her girlfriends but when she comes home doesn’t dish on all the gossip she heard detailsabout from her friends, then she is probably dishing out something else between the sheets.

By talking about the details it makes it more likely she will screw up and get caught in a lie or an inconsistency.  The more stuff she has to make up to cover her tracks the more likely she will make a mistake. Thus, the details of any trip, conference or girls night out that doesn’t come with a lot of stories etc should be warning sign.

When my wife comes home from a night of hanging out with the girls or seeing a friend for a few hours, I already know when she gets home I need to set aside at least an hour for the recap.  The minute she ever stops doing that will be a clear sign something bad is going on.

2. You Are No Longer Her Wing Man

If she is no longer coming to you first to discuss how Janice in accounting just DGAF or that she doesn’t understand how Billy can keep getting promoted when he doesn’t work a fraction as hard as she does, there may be a problem.

9770_9153400654She wants to have you in her corner to encourage her, listen to her and to share the intimate details of her life with.  When she stops doing that, it is a bad sign.  She is likely sharing that information with someone else and there is a good chance that person has a penis.

So many times affairs for women start because they find a guy who will take the time to listen to them, talk with them and provide insight into the things she is dealing with.  You may be thankful that she finally stopped talking so much but that is not a good thing bro. There is something much deeper at work and you better get your act together.

3. What Is Different About You?

When both men and women cheat, one thing that often changes is their appearance. [Editor’s Note: I have to be honest, this one is a bit vague and therefore shouldn’t be taken as an indication she is cheating if none of the other signs are there.]

However, if you have noticed that she has lost some weight, has stopped wearing sweatpants to run errands and now never leaves the house without putting on her entire face (i.e. makeup) there could be trouble.  It is especially important to notice if these changes are sudden and drastic.

4. Mind Blowing Sex

People assume that having an affair would mean less sex in the bedroom but that isn’t normally the case.  Because of this assumption the cheating spouse often will make a conscious effort to continue to have sex to cover up their indiscretions.

Instead, what you should be paying attention to is if she has started to experiment more in the bedroom.   Perhaps she is willing to try new positions she hasn’t been open to in the past or wants to role play when that has never really been her thing.  It is possible she is picking up those behaviors outside your bedroom and bringing them home with her.

5. Defensive Much?

A long time ago I was in a long distance relationship (not recommended) and I remember showing up at her apartment in Virginia and the minute I set foot in her apartment, I knew something was off.  There wasn’t any sign hanging up that she was cheating on me or anything but there was just something different and she also wasn’t behaving the way she usually would when seeing me after several weeks of not being together.  Now granted there had been signs leading up to this moment that she was cheating on me but now the air hung heavy with it.

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I tried to put it out of my mind and to enjoy the fact we were together again but I couldn’t shake it.  Eventually, I had to ask her if things were okay between us and if she was okay.  The firs time I asked she just waived me off like I was crazy.  However, when I asked again later that night when things still seemed off, she became super defensive and yelled at me.  It was very much out of character for her and I just knew something wasn’t right.  I obviously don’t have to tell you how that ended.

A quick word of warning.  If you ask her 18 times in one day if things are okay between the two of you, she may just lose her mind and punch you in the testicles.  Don’t worry bro, she isn’t cheating on you, you are just annoying and deserved a shot to the nuts.  Once you hit the third time of asking you probably need to leave it alone for a bit.  Clearly you aren’t getting anywhere so there is no point in being obnoxious about it.

The best way to avoid having her cheat on you is to be sure you are putting in the effort all the time, not just when you are first dating.  I can say that on one occasion my girlfriend cheated on me at least in part because I had gotten lazy with going on dates and being romantic.  Don’t let familiarity breed contempt.  Make sure you are always doing romantic things for her and making an effort to make her feel special.

I hope none of you have to deal with this but if so please know you aren’t alone and you will get through it.

What do you think?

Tell us if you agree or not!

 

 

Dating Advice 101 – How to Win at Tinder (and Other Online Sites)

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Let me just put a disclaimer out there.  I am not using any online dating apps.  I am married.  Happily.  However, my wife and I did meet on Match.com so I like to believe I have some experience in this area (I was on Match over a year before I met Sharlay.)  Since that time there are all kinds of new apps and ways to meet and hook up with women.  However, I am confident all the same rules that applied on Match.com (and eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and Interracial Match) will apply to the new apps.  Obviously Tinder is the hot app right now, especially for hooking up but don’t think it is only for sex.  A recent study by the University of Chicago found that 1/3 of marriages were the result of online dating.

In addition to Tinder there is also Hinge (links you to your Facebook downloadfriends’ friends; yes a little creepy); Happn (GPS tracking of where you are every day and the overlap with nearby women; and Tastebuds (matches you up with other women with similar musical tastes.)  Of course those are just a few of the many apps out there.

Yet with all those marriages and dates happening via these apps you would think hooking up and getting a date would be easy.  However, many men still aren’t making the right connections.  We are here to help.

You only have a second or two to catch a woman’s attention so you need your profile to be smoking and on point.  Follow these rules and you will be good to go.

1. Get the Photo Right

This doesn’t mean you need to be good looking.  Whatever you do, don’t use someone else’s picture on your profile.  Only 8morons do that and you don’t want to spend the first 30 minutes of your date explaining why the picture(s) on your profile do not look like you. Same goes for using that photo from 7 years ago when you were 20 pounds lighter with more hair.  Don’t be that guy!

The most important part of your picture is to make you seem interesting.  That is what worked for my wife when she came across my profile.  One of my pictures was me in a leather jacket standing in front of a jet fighter (it was very Top Gun like) and it intrigued her.

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Okay so I broke the sunglasses rule but it was necessary for the ambiance of this picture!

Select several shots that are a mix of head and body shots.  You should be sure to include at least one photo of you being active (think running, playing basketball or golfing, not playing PS4) and be sure one of the photos includes your clean shaving mug.

More things to avoid: no bar pictures, no pets (and certainly never, ever a cat), no cars, no sunglasses, no selfies, no topless photos (believe it or not you will get less clicks using these photos) and no cheesy looking grins.

Science says women click more often on prideful poses.  So raise your head and puff out your chest when taking your profile picture.

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2. Use a Quick Video

Get a friend you trust to shoot a quick 30 second video of you goofing off.  Nothing serious.  This will give the ladies a better chance at picking up on your personality.  Pictures can only do so much but a short video can really help confirm what is already listed in your profile (and that you look like your pictures.)

3. Keep it Short, Stupid

You don’t read long posts from women and women aren’t going to be interested in reading your ramblings, no matter how brilliant you are (you arTSR1021_Dungeons_&_Dragons_-_Set_4_Master_Rulesen’t.)  Talk about something you are passionate about so she has easy things to talk with you about, unless you are a passionate Dungeons and Dragons, Mine Craft or other video game type of person.  Do you volunteer with kids, help feed the homeless, save dolphins, change the world?  Put that in your profile.  It is a winner.  At one point in my dating life I was helping out with Big Brothers and Big Sisters and let me tell you that helped get me all kinds of attention!

4. Perfection Isn’t Going to Fly

If you were perfect you wouldn’t really exist so let’s skip the bullshit and be real about your life.  You don’t have to confess to stealing a car in the 8th grade but explaining how you love to golf but are terrible, is a good start.  Or perhaps confessing to a television show addiction like “Game of Thrones” or “Ray Donovan.”

5. End With a Way for Women to Respond

Women want to respond to your profile but many won’t because Matt-Damon-Luciana-Damon-Starbucks-Picturesthey aren’t always sure how to. Make it easy on them. Mention in your profile something like “I met Matt Damon one time in a Starbucks, but you will have to ask me about that.” You will easily get more responses by including something like that in your profile.

Editor’s Note: said Matt Damon meeting is actually true

6. Unfinished Business

Unlike you, women get as many as 50 to 100 emails a day when using an online dating site.  Which means regardless of how great you are it can be easy for her to overlook an email from you.  The best way to combat this problem is to leave an unfinished sentence in the subject line (such as “Did you know…” and then finish the sentence in the body of the email.)

One example could be “Did you know…” and “we were at the same Cold Play concert last spring?  How did you like the show?”  While I didn’t use this trick on Sharlay (she emailed me first) I did with other women I dated.  Most often I used “Did you know…” and “I am a descendant of Abraham Lincoln?”  Which almost always received an initial response and is actually a true statement (don’t make something up she will only be let down when she learns the truth.)

7. Don’t Hesitate

The longer you delay in going out on the first date the more likely you will lose her interest.  Either she will build you into someone you are not and be let down on the first date or she will find a more interesting (and aggressive) man to date before you.

If you are being honest about yourself and you guys hit it off a date should be in the works within 20 days of the first message.

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Until tomorrow, make it a better day and be a better man!

Andrew

Dating Advice 101: Don’t Ever Go Dutch

 

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Happy Thursday Everyone! Only one more day until the weekend and I can’t wait!  Hope everyone out there has some awesome things planned.  For any of you heading out on first dates or other dates be sure to apply what you have learned!

Several years ago I had two mutual friends (we will call them Bob and Chris) who started dating.  I liked both equally and really thought they would be a good couple and was certain they would end up getting married.  Turns out I was a bit off on that prediction!

My wife and I received an invitation to a double date of sorts with Bob and Chris, so of course we were more than happy to attend.  We could tell from early on that there was tension between the two of them and given the fact they hadn’t been dating very long  I was a bit concerned.  I am sure there were plenty of possible explanations and it turns out there were including the following story.

When we got to the end of the evening and the bill arrived Bob was making Chris pay for her half of the meal and drinks.  I was astounded and not in a good way.  This was shocking for two reasons.  First, Bob made a ton of money.  Second, I thought Bob to be much more of a gentleman than he turned out to be.  Needless to say their relationship didn’t last long after our evening with them (I promise it wasn’t our fault!)

Being back in New York last weekend for some reason made me think about that story and because men like Bob drive me nuts I am writing about it today.

Ladies – if you are dating a man who won’t pay for your dinner, drinks or anything else for that matter, you really need to be cautious about entering into a long term relationship with him. Money is BY FAR the most stressful thing in a relationship (especially once you are married) and if you both aren’t on the same page about how to handle finances you should be putting the breaks on any future plans.  These are the same kind of guys who insist on having separate banking accounts yet won’t tell you how much is in their own account.  It is Bad News Bears no matter how you try to spin it.  You all deserve to be with a man who is willing to pay for dates and buy you things that you love.  It is part of being selfless and putting the other person before yourself.

Any guy worth his weight should be paying or at the very least offering to pay for both parties when on a date.  Furthermore, if you are in a serious relationship you should be offering to buy her other shit like clothing, flowers and other gifts.  It is called “being romantic” dumb ass.  If you can’t figure this out than you need some serious help.  Ladies, don’t think this is going to change when you are married.

The only time I can even foresee agreeing to “go dutch” is MAYBE on a first date where the woman is insisting on such an arrangement. Sometimes, especially on a first date, a woman might prefer to pay her own way if for no other reason than to take the pressure off herself.  Some guys are such neanderthals they think paying for dinner gives them a free pass at sex even on the first date. If you want to pay for sex go hire a hooker, it is less complicated that way. If the woman on a first date does prefer to go dutch you should protest several times just to get your point across.

If you can’t afford to pay for both parties on a date or you have “money issues” that make it virtually impossible for you to be generous, you probably shouldn’t be dating to begin with.  Go hang out with the other nerds in your cave and live a life of celibacy.

This is the same kind of guy who won’t spring to pick up a round of drinks with friends, share his BYO at any function and certainly isn’t going to be generous with strangers.  We should all strive to be with someone more generous than ourselves and guys like this will never be qualified.

If you are this kind of guy and reading this today I want you to do a few things.

1.  Call up your wife, girlfriend or fiancé (or go on Tinder and get a date)

2.  Ask them out on a date

3. Go on said date.

4.  Whatever you do on that date (dinner, movie, karaoke, the zoo) pay for the whole thing.  For both of you.  Don’t ask her if she wants to pay half.  Just do it.  See how it feels.  I promise you won’t regret it.

5. [Optional by highly advisable] Stop by her favorite store and pick her up a cute outfit, dress, shirt, shoes or something!  If you feel intimidated picking out these kinds of items ask one of the cute women working at the store, they love to help.  Maybe just maybe you will learn what it means to be selfless and generous…maybe.

Grow some balls and pay for your significant other!  It is the way life is supposed to be.

Until tomorrow make it a better day,

Andrew

 

 

Fashion Friday – Why in the Hell Would You Ever Wear Sweatpants in Public

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I could spend weeks on end ranting about the terrible fashion sense people here in St. Louis (and most, if not all of Missouri) have.  I am writing today because of the unbelievable experience we had when we took our daughter to the mall over the weekend.

I am not being dramatic when I tell you that 9 out of 10 people at the mall, on a Saturday, were wearing sweatpants or some form of warm-up pants. I fully expected a basketball game to break out at any moment while we were shopping.  It didn’t matter if you were a man or a woman, sweatpants were everywhere.  Of course the ultimate fashion disaster were the knuckleheads with sweats and Timberlands on.  Yikes!

I was embarrassed to be a man watching these guys walk around dressed like they don’t care about life.  Which of course reminds me of one of my favorite Seinfeld moments, which you can watch here.  I couldn’t agree more with Jerry on this issue: wearing sweatpants (and all related pants like warm ups) in public means you have given up on life.

Even Kanye looks like an idiot when wearing sweat pants.  Nice pentagram by the way.
Even Kanye looks like an idiot when wearing sweat pants. Nice pentagram by the way.

Look, I don’t care what Kanye West is doing, you SHOULD NEVER rock this look in public. It is a) not in style, ever and b) you look like a clueless oaf who doesn’t care about themselves, the people they are with or anything meaningful in life.  Just don’t do it.  Seriously.  Do you ever want to get laid again?  You certainly won’t if you are wearing sweats to the mall.  I mean sure you might score with an ugly woman (who is likely to be wearing sweat pants too) but this isn’t something one should be proud of.

There are really only a select number of occasions when wearing sweatpants in public is acceptable.  If you do not fall into one of these categories than stash the sweats and put on some real pants.  I can’t even believe I have to write a blog about this!! You can wear whatever you want within the safe confines of your home.  Hell, go all National Geographic and walk around naked for all I care, but don’t ever go out in public in sweatpants, unless the following rules apply. (Once again please remember that any reference to sweat jaco-warm-up-pantspants also includes any kind of warm up pants and all derivatives thereof.)

1.  Pregnant Women

This isn’t a blog about women, let alone pregnant women.  Thus, I won’t spend much time on this.  Pregnant women get to do whatever the hell they want, they are pregnant.  I wouldn’t advise you telling them otherwise.

Since you are a man, this will never give you an excuse to wear sweatpants.  If your wife or girlfriend is pregnant and wants to go out somewhere with you, that doesn’t give you an excuse to wear sweatpants.  Don’t do it.  I will find you.

2.  You are sick

Sometimes when you are laid up in the house for a day or two and not feeling well, the only thing you want to do is get out of the house.  No one wants to get dressed up when ill, just to leave the house.  If this is the case feel free to wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt to your local mall or wherever else it is you want to go.  You are sick.  You probably look sick.  No one will care you are wearing sweats because of how terrible you look physically.  Everyone will understand what is going on.

3.  You are out of clean clothes

If you are out of clean clothes and wearing sweats in public this SHOULD mean only one of two things a) you are on your way to the laundromat or b) you are at the laundromat.  That is it.

One of the few places sweatpants in public is acceptable

 

If your lack of clean clothes has driven you to wear sweats then you must take evasive action immediately and do some laundry!  There can be no putting it off another day unless you plan to stay home for the next 24 hours doing nothing.  Seriously bro, do some laundry.

4.  You are participating in a sport

If you are playing a pick up game of basketball or a little friendly neighborhood football, sweats under these limited circumstances is allowed (other sports qualify as well.)  This also would include if you are heading to the gym to work out.  However, if you have the option of changing clothes at the gym or wherever you are playing said sport, you should bring your warm-ups with you and change at the location.  You never know who you might run into on the way to the gym or game. Looking sharp at every turn is essential if you want to maintain your man card.

If you ever have the misfortune of running into a woman who looks like Zoe Saldana (or the woman herself) and you are wearing sweatpants. you should just put your penis and testicles in a jar because you won't be needing them anytime soon.
If you ever have the misfortune of running into a woman who looks like Zoe Saldana (or the woman herself) and you are wearing sweatpants. you should just put your penis and testicles in a jar because you won’t be needing them anytime soon.

5. You are dressing up for Halloween or a costume party of some sort

You would be hard pressed to find too many times when sweatpants at one of these types of occasions is appropriate.  Yet you never know when sweats or their equivalent will help you pull off an amazing costume.

Point in fact, back in 2004 when Starsky and Hutch came out on the big screen, several of my friends got together to dress up in 70’s retro style and/or like one of the characters in the movie and the results were as such:

Yours truly on the right
Yours truly on the right

Say what you will about sweats but I still managed to pull off a great look that was consistent with the movie.

That is it.  Those are the rules.  If none of these apply to you than put some damn pants on and take some pride in how you look!

3D man near red question mark

We want to hear from you!  What was the worst fashion nightmare you have seen?  Let us hear it!!  Put it in the comments!

P.S. if you should find yourself having to wear sweatpants, please don’t wear (or purchase) this: New-Fashion-Casual-Athletic-camouflage-Trousers-Hip-Hop-Dance-Sport-plus-size-male-harem-slim-combat

Tell us if you agree or not!