We are foregoing the normal fashion blog today to discuss something almost as important: dating.
While getting a first date can at times be tricky, the real difficult part in dating women is locking in the second date. If you need help getting a first date I highly recommend you watch the movie Hitch. I know it is a romantic comedy but there are worse things you could be doing than watching a movie with my all-time celebrity crush Eva Mendes.
In the movie there are a lot of pointers for not only scoring a first date but getting to the second date. If you fast forward to the 2:35 mark in the clip below you will find the key to getting a second date.
“It’s your job not to mess it up.”
We often can spend too much time on the first date doing many of the following: wondering if she likes you, is she having a good time, starting at her boobs/butt, not engaging in conversation or being too worried about what to say. Like Will Smith says, “She is already out with you. That means she said yes, when she could have said no. That means she made a plan, when she could have just blown you off. It means it is no longer your job to make her like you.”
And by not messing it up, we mean putting in the work to ensure you get a second date. As many of you know I am a happily married man which means I obviously had no problem getting a second date with Sharlay. However, I know many of you are still going to be skeptical wondering if I really have enough experience to be believed. First, all these come from my very own arsenal of romance and charm. Second, I dated A LOT of women in New York City. Before I met Sharlay I would have to say I dated at least 20 different women during the 5 years I was there before her and I met. That may seem high to some and low to others but I can tell you it was the most women I have ever dated in my previous 31 years combined. I managed to get second and third dates with most of them so I am pretty confident I know what I am talking about. I mean have you seen my wife? No way should I have gotten a woman that beautiful!
Follow these steps and I promise you are well on your way.
Make a Plan Dummy
She wants to see you put in some effort to the date. Prior to the date did she ever mention wanting to try a particular restaurant? Or perhaps she said she had been dying to check out a new bar. You can plan on meeting for drinks at said bar and if the night goes well head to that same restaurant for dinner. Maybe she said she loves mini-golf (not likely I know) or perhaps bowling. Have a back up option to do something like that after dinner. If you are able to pull off something that shows you have been listening to her and paying attention she will be impressed I promise.
When Sharlay and I went on our first date I made plans with her to grab dinner. I made no mention of doing anything afterwards. However, I had also made reservations for a karaoke place that was within walking distance from the restaurant. The karaoke place was within walking distance to Grand Central Terminal which is where she would be headed after the date to go home. I was charming enough (according to Sharlay) that I didn’t need the karaoke to seal the second date as she was already on our third date halfway through dinner. I told you I was good. It’s not false bravado.
You execute a good plan on a first date and I promise you she is going to say yes to a second date just to see what you can pull off. I cannot overstate how important this step is.
If you go into a date with reasonable expectations, I personally believe it will make it easier for you to be yourself on the date. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look forward to the date, make a good plan for the date or hold back on the charm. If you have too high of expectations for a date you can often put too much pressure on yourself. You want to be loose and carefree on the date. As Hitch says, “She may not want the whole truth but she does want the real you” so don’t set yourself up for failure.
This can be more challenging when you luck out and manage to score a date with a major hottie but the same rule applies. I dated some truly beautiful women when I was in New York and I am not even sure how it happened most of the time. However, everyone of them turned out to be weird in one way or another. One of them was super cold and not affectionate at all. Another one hated going on dates in public and only want to come over to my place or me to hers (which wasn’t terrible if you know what I mean.) One woman one was super possessive after only two dates and yet another one was such a terrible, awful kisser I just couldn’t take it any more. The point is they all had their faults and I learned that just because a woman was hot didn’t mean she was going to have what it took for me to stay interested.
I met Sharlay on Match.com so I knew from her photos she was beyond gorgeous but for the most part I didn’t care. Heading into the date I fully anticipated it would be just another evening with another beautiful woman who had nothing more to offer other than her looks. Obviously I was wrong, but had I let her looks intimidate on the first date things might not have worked out so well. As a matter of fact I was so uninterested in how she looked it really opened her eyes to the fact I was a different kind of man than she was used to dating. It really impressed her that I didn’t fawn over her looks and didn’t get caught staring at her chest.
Curiosity May Have Killed the Cat But It Will Help You Get…
You are meeting a person for the first time ever and while it probably isn’t the first time you have spoken to her, there should be enough mystery about her, you should have no shortage of questions to ask. However, this isn’t an interview so don’t grill her to death.
As you guys talk you may find out she loves the same television show or movie as you. You could ask her who her top three favorite or least favorite characters are in the show. This is likely to either start a hot debate about the merits of the charters or an instant bonding moment whereby you agree that Janice from the Soprano’s might be the most annoying character of any television show ever created. Boom. Now you have something in common.
Another easy conversation starter is to ask what was her favorite vacation destination. Let her talk about it and then ask her “If I were to take a trip to [insert her answer here] what would be the top 3 things I needed to do or see?” It will show that you already value her opinion and respect her which is never a bad thing.
If she is at all normal these kinds of curious questions will be asked of you in return and before you know it you have been talking non-stop with her throughout the date. Being able to converse with her is going to win you a lot of brownie points and getting a second date isn’t the only thing you will be getting.
First dates aren’t the time to be asking about her views on gun control, abortion, Donald Trump, same sex marriage, having kids or the crisis in the Middle East. Those items (and plenty of others) are sure to derail any chance you have at a second date.
You may get lucky and find out you agree on all of those issues but chances are you won’t and it likely will end up in a debate or argument that is just not conducive to a romantic evening. No one wants to hear how smart you think you are. Leave it at home.
Be a Man
There are a lot of men who are intimidated by being out with a beautiful woman. Don’t let the fact she is beautiful change the man you are or your expectations of her on a date. For instance, if you are out on your date and she keeps checking her phone you should call her out on it. You need to do so in a a self assured way which includes remaining calm and being patient but you should definitely do it.
Before Sharlay and I even went on a date I had to do something similar. She gave me her number almost right away (I didn’t even need to ask for it) so of course I called her a few days after I received it. Long story short, she wasn’t so great about returning calls or texts. Finally, I called one last time and got her voicemail. I left a message simply saying that if she was no longer interested in going on a date that was fine just let me know so I can stop wasting my time. It may not have been that rude but that was the basic message. Guess what? She called me back!
She would later tell me that most guys would hang around forever and try to get her to call them or text them simply because they were so enamored with her beauty (i.e. they really wanted to hook up with her.) So when I was rather quick to draw the line and call it quits she was surprised and also attracted to me simply because I was standing up for myself.
Throw Out “The Rules”
I hate all the so-called “rules” about when you should call a woman back after the first date. Don’t listen to those boneheads who suggest you wait 3 days to call her. Chances are she is a hot commodity (pun intended) so if you wait too long some other dude is going to swoop in and steal her from you.
Whenever you drop her off or part ways make sure you tell her you had a nice time, that she was a lot of fun and that you would like to take her out again. If you get the appropriate response, ask her what day will work best for her and tell her you will call her in a day or two to finalize plans (and be sure you actually do.)
Now you just have to repeat these steps for date number three.
Until tomorrow, make it a better day!
What did we leave out? Disagree? Let’s hear it!