Top 5 Regrets of Dying People

regret quotes

See today’s post courtesy of Happy Wives Club!

Hope you guys find this post motivational!  Have a great weekend!

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

QUESTION: When you think on your own marriage, what things are you doing to ensure you create a marriage and build a family without regret?

When the Going Gets Tough…15 Relationship Reminders

15 Tough Relationship Truths

Today’s blog comes courtesy of our friends and Marc and Angel Hack Life.  Hope you enjoy!

These 15 relationship truths may be a bit difficult to accept at times, but in the end, they will help you weed out the wrong relationships, make room for the right ones, and nurture the people who are most important to you.

  1. Some relationships will be blessings, others will serve as lessons. – Either way, never regret knowing someone. Everyone you encounter teaches you something important. Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you.
  2. When times get tough, some people will leave you. – When you are up in life, your friends get to know who you are. When you are down in life, you get to know who your true friends are. There will be lots of people around when times are easy, but take note of who remains in your life when times get tough, especially the people who sacrifice the resources they have in their life to help you improve yours when you need it most. These people are your real friends.
  3. Life is full of fake people. – Sometimes the person you’d take a bullet for ends up being the one behind the gun. It’s so easy to believe someone when they TELL you exactly what you want to hear. But when a person SHOWS you who they really are, believe them the first time. Some people are only nice for their own convenience – the type of people who only call when they need something or come around when it’s beneficial to them. Not everyone has your best interests at heart. But sometimes you have to be tricked and mislead by the wrong lovers and friends once or twice in your life in order to find and appreciate your soul mate and real friends when they arrive.
  4. People can easily be insincere with their words. – When someone truly loves you, they don’t have to say a word. You will be able to tell simply by the way they treat you over the long-term. Remember, actions speak much louder than words. A person can say sorry a thousand times, and say “I love you” as much as they want. But if they’re not going to prove that the things they say are true, then they’re not worth listening to. Because if they can’t show it, their words are not sincere.
  5. The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. – Don’t settle to just be someone’s downtime, spare time, part time, or sometime. If they can’t be there for you all of the time, especially when you need them most, then they’re not worth your time. Read Codependent No More.
  6. Harsh words can hurt a person more than physical pain. – Taste your own words before you spit them out. Words hurt and scar more than you think, so THINK before you speak. And remember, what you say about others also says a whole lot about YOU.
  7. A mistake is an accident. Cheating and lying are not mistakes. – They are intentional choices. Stop hiding behind the words “mistake” and “sorry” and stop putting up with those who do.
  8. Excessive jealousy doesn’t tell someone how much you love them. – It tells them how much you dislike yourself. And no amount of love, or promises, or proof from them will ever be enough to make you feel better. For those broken pieces you carry, are pieces you must mend for yourself. Happiness is an inside job.
  9. When people get nasty with you, it’s usually best to walk away. – When someone treats you like dirt, don’t pay attention and don’t take it personally. They’re saying nothing about you and a lot about themselves. And no matter what they do or say, never drop down to their level and sling dirt back. Just know you’re better than that and walk away.
  10. People will treat you the way you let them treat you. – You can’t control them, but you can control what you tolerate. Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negative people. Doing so does not mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself. Read Boundaries.
  11. One of the most difficult tasks in life is removing someone from your heart. – But remember, no relationship is a waste of time. The wrong ones teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones.
  12. Resentment hurts you, not them. – Whisper a small prayer of gratitude for the people who have stuck by your side, and send a prayer of good will for those who didn’t. For should these people hear your prayers, those who have been there will know how much you appreciate them, and those who left will know that you appreciate your own happiness enough to not let resentment destroy your capacity to live with a compassionate heart.
  13. Silence and a half smile can hide a lot of pain from the world. – Pay close attention to those you care about. Sometimes when a friend says, “I’m okay,” they need you to look them in the eyes, hug them tight, and reply, “I know you’re not.”
  14. True love comes when manipulation stops. – True love comes when you care more about who the other person really is than about who you think they should become, when you dare to reveal yourself honestly, and when you dare to be open and vulnerable. It takes two to create a sincere environment where this is possible. If you haven’t found true love yet, don’t settle. There is someone out there who will share true love with you, even if it’s not the person you were initially hoping for. Read The 5 Love Languages.
  15. Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, someone they need, or something they thought was meant to be. People don’t live forever. Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you. And remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.

Devotional Tuesday! Go and Do It!

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Happy Tuesday everyone!  I am in Boston for part of this week as I am meeting with a few clients up here.  Disappointed baseball season isn’t starting until next week otherwise YOU KNOW I would have my butt in a Fenway seat tonight for some Red Sox baseball.  Oh well, maybe next trip.

Hope you have been enjoying our devotional series, per usual I am using Tony Dungy’s Uncommon Life.  As always I welcome you comments and input above!  Have a great week!

“The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth.  They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry.  It is the same with my word.  I send it out, and it always produces fruit.  It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. Isiah 55:10-11

It was more than twenty years ago that Nike created huge advertising campaigns around three words: Just do it.  I have to admit, it was pure genius.  The phrase doesn’t say to prepare to do it – just do it. I suggest, with today’s verse in mind, you just do it – share the word of God.

That doesn’t mean you can stall because you’re “planning to plan.” Or that it can’t happen today because you have to get it just right before you can go with it.  Perfect, actually.  Which means it will probably never get done.

We always want to wait until we have just the right thing to say…but that’s often just an excuse.  God wants us to just do it.  The truth is, we probably will never feel ready to go and share the word of God.  We probably feel – if we care to admit it – afraid.  Afraid we might make a mistake and turn someone off and lose an opportunity for God to work in someone’s life.  Afraid we will look foolish.  Embarrassed that we might not have just the right word, phrase, experience, Scripture reference or answer to a question that comes up.

We’re often waiting for something, but God is waiting for us to act.  What we forget is that God is much bigger than all our inadequacies and mistakes.  He wants simply our availability and our hearts and for us to share what He has done for us with others He puts in our path.

Even if we get it all wrong, mess it up, or leave folks scratching their heads, God can clean it all up.  In fact, He promises that He will, that His word will produce fruit.

Uncommon Key –> Believe God’s promise that the seeds of His word that you plant for Him will bear fruit.  Find someone who needs to hear those words.

 

Tips on Meeting Good People

Friendship

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ―Anaïs Nin

Fewer things are more rewarding in life than having positive and long lasting relationships with people.  If you have every experienced what it is like to have great friends in your life than you understand how much more rewarding life can be in those circumstances. I moved to New York when I was 31 years old.  It had been a very long time since I had  to make new friends from scratch.  I am not sure what it is about being older that makes the process more difficult than when you were kids but it sure took a long time to meet friends – let alone positive ones.

Even if you haven’t moved to a new city you may be struggling with building healthy relationships that last.  So how do you go about finding friends and building relationships with people who motivate you to be a better person?  How do you put yourself out there to meet a potential spouse who you aren’t afraid to bring around your family? In essence, what do you need to do in order to meet good people?

1. Gotta Love #1

Building healthy relationships starts with you.  You have to be comfortable being alone.  If you don’t like who you are, how can you expect anyone else to?  If you can’t stand being alone you will eventually find yourself making friends with anyone you can regardless of if they are good for you.  When you are confident in yourself it will be easier for you to weed through the bad to find the good because being alone will not intimidate you or make you feel worse off than before.

Sometimes it can take a while to form really good friendships so being comfortable being alone is going to be key. If learning to love yourself is a new step for you the best way to start is with a hobby.  Obviously it should be a hobby that doesn’t require other people to participate.  Whatever it is, it should be something that holds your interest.  It can be running, reading, painting, drawing, music etc.  The goal is to be just as happy doing those things as you are being out with friends.  This is called “having balance in your life” and is the first step to building healthy relationships.  If you can’t do this don’t bother with the rest of this blog!

2. Get in touch

Chances are you already have some good people in your life.  For whatever reason you may have become disconnected but that doesn’t mean you can’t reconnect.  Make some time to reacquaint yourself with the good people you already have relationships with. You can’t sit around expecting others to always make the first move in a relationship.  Take some initiative and reconnect with these people.  Sometimes just have a phone call or a Skype session with old friends is enough to kick start your relationships into overdrive.

3. Volunteer

What better way to meet good people than to spend some time helping others in need?  Generally, those types of opportunities are going to be full of good people who you can connect with.  Not only that you will feel better about yourself by helping others. No matter where you live in the world there are plenty of organizations that are in desperate need for volunteers.  Here is just a short list:

  1. Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America
  2. Make-A-Wish Foundation
  3. The local senior citizen home
  4. Animal shelters
  5. American Red Cross

If you need another reason here is one: chicks dig guys who volunteer.  Trust me on this one.  Few things can enhance your level of desirability than telling a woman you volunteer a few days a month at the local dog pound or working with disadvantaged youth.  It is a chick magnet my friends.  You can thank me later.

4. Find People with a Common Interest

As I mentioned before I really struggles to meet new people when I moved to New York City.  I tried a lot of different things including church, bar hopping and heck even Craigslist.  Nothing seemed to work very well and the people I were meeting were just terrible. Then one day in the subway I saw an advertisement for this website called Meetup.com.  The advertising said “Using the internet to get off the internet.”  I thought that seemed like an interesting concept.

It was late summer or early fall that year and I had spent the better part of my time while in NYC watching Red Sox games in my basement apartment alone (very sad I know!) I logged onto Meetup.com and did  a search for Red Sox fans in New York and boom there it was.

I went to my first NYC Red Sox Meet Up and the rest was history.  I now help run the group with my friend Alisha who I met at my first Red Sox Meetup.  There are so many different groups that meet using that website you will be shocked!  I am sure you can find at least one group that is of interest to you.  In case you are having a brain fart here are some examples:

  • personal development
  • spirituality
  • blogging
  • software development
  • graphic design
  • acoustic guitar
  • meditation
  • yoga
  • cooking

Not everyone in the group is perhaps a healthy individual and there will always be the occasional nut job out there.  However, that fall I had plenty to do during the week when the Red Sox were in the playoffs.  It helped me feel like a normal person again as I finally had friends calling me to hang out and do things with.  I even dated a woman I met through the Red Sox meet up for a while and even though that dating relationship didn’t last we have managed to stay friends and get together every so often to catch up.

Okay so that is a good start!  Get out there and meet some good people and find out what you have been missing in life!

If you have any other suggestions we would love to hear them!  Please post in the comments section or email me at BetterMenNow@gmail.com

Thanks and have a great week!

Andrew

@ACSloss

@BetterMenNow

Devotional Tuesday! Believe!

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“A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed.  “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said.  Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him.  “I am willing,” he said.  “Be healed!” Mark 1:40-41

The leaper got right to the point.  “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.”  The leaper had it.  He had no reason to, based upon how he was treated in those days.  But the leaper had it.

Jarius had it as he left the side of his sick daughter to find Jesus in the crowds far from his house.  While he was gone, his daughter died.  But Jairus still had it.

Mary and Martha – as different as two sisters can be- both had it as they wept over their brother, Lazarus, lying stone-cold dead in the tomb not far from their home in Bethany.  And even though they felt Jesus was slow to come to their aid, they had it.

Had what?  Belief.  They all believed.  They all believed that Jesus was who He said He was.  They all believed that He could do what He said He could do-and they believed that He cared for them and others.  They heard what He was saying and about the miracles He was doing and they believed.

If you’re like me, this next point is important.  Don’t confuse understanding with believing.  None of them understood-most things about Jesus were far beyond their limited minds and capabilities to understand.  Count me in that group.  But I don’t feel bad.  There are biblical scholars who have spent their lives studying the Scriptures who can’t understand all that Jesus did and continues to do for us as the Son of God.

But believe? That’s something we all can do. Believe that Christ can heal that loved one who is sick.  Believe He can provide that job that seems impossible to find.  Believe He can change people’s hearts. It’s not necessary to understand how He is going to do all those things, but believe that He can!  There is so much evidence of His life, His death and His resurrection, it’s hard not to.

Uncommon Key –> Simply put: Jesus said it.  Jesus did it.  Believe it!  What do you need to believe Jesus will do in your life today?  Talk to Him about it!