Below is some marriage advice courtesy of Dan Pearce who entitled his blog post “16 Ways I Blew My Marriage.” You can find his home page here: http://www.danoah.com/ The reason I am including it is because it is written from the perspective of a man who has had two failed marriages (or so the story goes). Sadly sometimes we learn our most significant lessons through our greatest failures. Yet the important part is that we learn lessons and attempt to change how we handle those situations in the future.
I have edited it for content and am going to break up the 16 lessons into several different blogs. I think the advice is great and don’t want to overwhelm you with information. Many of this thoughts struck a cord with me and gave me pause to re-evaluate my own behavior with my wife.
1. Don’t stop holding her hand.
When I first dated the woman I ended up marrying, I always held her hand: in the car, while walking, during meals and at the movies. It didn’t matter where. Over time, I stopped. I made up excuses like my hand was too hot or it made me sweat or I wasn’t comfortable with it in public. Truth was, I stopped holding hands because I stopped wanting to put in the effort to be close to my wife. No other reason.
If I could have a do over: I’d hold her hand in the car. I’d hold her hand on a star. I’d hold her hand in a box. I’d hold her hand with a fox. And I’d hold her hand everywhere else, too, even when we didn’t particularly like each other for the moment.
2. Don’t stop kissing her.
It always got to a point when I’d more or less stop kissing her. Usually it was because things were stressful and there was tension in our relationship, and so I’d make it worse by refusing to kiss her. This of course would lead to her feeling rejected. Which would of course lead to arguments about it.
If I could have a do over: I’d kiss her in the morning when she looked like people do in the morning. I’d kiss her at night when she’s had a long day. I’d kiss her any time I felt like she secretly wanted a kiss.
3. Don’t always point out her weaknesses.
For some reason, somewhere along the way, I ended up feeling like it was my place to always tell her where she was weak and where she could do better. I know damn sure I didn’t do that while we were dating. When I dated her I only built her up, only told her how amazing she was, and easily looked past all of her flaws. After we got married though, she sometimes couldn’t even cook eggs without me telling her how she might be able to improve.
If I could have a do over: I wouldn’t say a damned thing about anything that I thought could use improvement. I’ve learned since my marriage ended that there is more than one right way to do most things, and that the imperfections of others are too beautiful to try and change.
4. Don’t stop cooking for her.
I knew how to woo a girl, for sure. And the ticket was usually a night in, cooking a nice meal and having a romantic evening. So why is it then, that I didn’t do that for her after we got married? Sure, I’d throw some canned soup in the microwave or fry up some chimichangas once in a while, but I rarely if ever went out of my way to sweep her off her feet after we were married by steaming crab legs, or making fancy pasta, or setting up a candlelit table.
If I could have a do over: I’d make it a priority to cook for her, and only her, something awesome at least every month. And I’d remember that meat in a can is never awesome.
Until tomorrow make it a better day!