Tag Archives: porn

5 Ways Porn Hurts Our Sons and Daughters

Image result for kids and computer

*This post courtesy of AllProDad.com*

When the only thing they hear from adults about sex is that it is bad and you shouldn’t do it they know they aren’t hearing the full story. When parents fail to give the full picture of sex kids will go looking for answers somewhere else. The “somewhere else” is porn. I was recently speaking to a father who caught his twelve-year-old daughter watching porn. He remarked, “I’ve seen plenty of porn during my life, but the stuff she was watching was disturbing.” His experience is the new normal. The average age a child encounters porn for the first time is between the ages of nine and eleven, and mainstream porn continues to get more extreme, violent, and degrading.

The internet and smartphones have opened the door to an invading army of porn into the minds and hearts of our kids. The consequences are devastating. Here are 5 ways porn hurts our sons and daughters.

1. Sexualizing Our Kids

The term “teen” has been in the top three highest searched words on porn sites for the past three years. One year, 2014, it was number one. That should make us all sick. We are talking about kids. This means a majority of people looking at porn on the internet desire watching kids. When porn site visits outnumber Amazon, Netflix, and Twitter combined, think about how many people are looking to watch kids having sex. Think about how many child predators are being fueled and emboldened. What is all of this communicating to our sons and daughters?

2. Losing Innocence

The culture surrounding porn is reinforcing the idea that kids can be sex objects. [Tweet This] This was evident in 2010 when eight-year-old girls danced in a competition to the song “Single Ladies” with highly sexualized moves while wearing lingerie. The crowd on hand, which included the girls’ parents, wasn’t horrified. Instead, they hooted, hollered, and cheered. We are teaching our sons and daughters at a young age if they want to be noticed they need to be sexy. It all starts with our pornified culture. And kids have gotten the message loud and clear.

3. Feelings of Shame, Guilt, and Depression

What happens next is tweens and teens play at being sexy. They quickly believe the lie that the best place to learn how to be sexual is through internet porn, which is easily accessible and affordable in large quantities. The images of mainstream pornography they encounter within one minute of searching are violent and graphic. The images are burned into their brains forever. The pornographers are telling them that this is the sexual experience. Deep down they know they have seen something they shouldn’t have seen, but their brains can’t make sense of it. They are excited and embarrassed, but they don’t know why. They feel ashamed and guilty, but too scared to talk to anyone for fear of being in trouble.

4. Addiction

Little do they know what their developing brains have been doing while viewing porn. It’s released large amounts of dopamine, which gives the feeling of pleasure in the rewards center of the brain. This gives them the urge to come back again and forms a connection with the image (a connection meant for a person). This causes an addiction, which is more powerfully ingrained the younger their ages when they’re introduced. Since the feeling of euphoria helps them forget about their problems momentarily, porn becomes an unhealthy coping mechanism to distract them from the feelings of shame, guilt, and stress. Unfortunately, it only leaves them feeling emptier so they watch more and the cycle continues.

5. It Fuels Disconnection and Disrespect

Ultimately, porn leads to relational disconnection and degradation. They draw expectations of what sex will be like. Rather than sex being about connecting intimately with someone in the safety of commitment, it becomes a selfish pursuit of getting off. Sex gets cheapened to a physical act and people are reduced to objects of fantasy. A good and rich life is found in relationships. Sadly, this porn culture is leading our sons and daughters far from them. The best thing you can do is educate your kids about the lies and the dangers of pornography. Start early rather than later. At some point, they are going to encounter it and will need you to help them make sense of it. Keep the line of communication open and engage them in conversation so they don’t go it alone.

 What other ways do you believe porn effects our sons and daughters?

Tell us if you agree or not!

The Effects of Porn on Marriage

Good afternoon!  Today’s post comes courtesy of our friends at All-Pro Dad.  Porn is a serious issue in many, many marriages in our country (and really around the world) and it is something that is totally unacceptable if you are a man who loves your wife.  Too often porn and porn addiction is just written off as “something men do.” Yet the effects of porn on a marriage and family might start out being very subtle but can end up being quite devastating.

Researcher Patrick Fagan, Ph.D. completed a major study of pornography and called it a “quiet family killer.” His study found that 56% of divorces had one partner with an obsessive interest in porn.  While divorces are rarely the result of only one “issue” these findings are still too important to ignore.

On average, 40 million Americans regularly view porn, and the overwhelming majority are men. That’s the admitted figure. I feel safe writing to you that I believe well over 90% of the men that will read this (including the one writing it) have viewed porn on the internet. It’s a simple click away at all times. It is the number one temptation facing all adult men. If allowed to fester in our lives, porn slowly erodes not only our rational senses, but our very souls. A marriage is diseased when outside sexual influences work their way into it, and as those influences progress, the marriage falls deeper and deeper into despair.

This is a difficult topic for us to talk about. It’s one of those things that we just keep silent. But the reason we are here, the reason this site exists, is to teach us to strive to become better men. Something as treacherous as pornography undermines everything we try to achieve as husbands and fathers. With that in mind, let’s focus on the effects of porn on marriage.

True Passion is Nullified

Great marital sex has little to do with technique, stamina, or experience. The genuine passion built up between two people in love connecting in the highest physical form of intimacy is what qmakes for great marital sex. This is difficult to achieve even without porn introduced into the equation. Children, stress and busy lives all take their toll on genuine passion. Pornography will outright destroy it. In studies, many women will say they don’t feel that their porn addicted husband is truly present when they make love.

Ridiculous Expectations

Porn is a multi-billion dollar per year industry. It has to be visually exciting and instantly grab your attention to be successful. It’s entertainment performed by actors. Just as your marriage and family life is much different than a 30-minute sitcom, the same applies with your sex life. When we fill our minds with the false images of porn, we naturally take those expectations with us to the bedroom. This leads to disappointment for the husband and a wife with a wrecked self-esteem.  Your job as a man is to build up and protect your wife, not engage in behaviors that will make her doubt her self-worth and make her feel inferior.

The Loss of Trust and Intimacy

Most, if not all, wives (if they are being honest), consider their husband viewing pornography as cheating. Another woman, even just her image, has been introduced into your relationship and she’s now having to compete with it. Continual viewing of porn will erode the trust built in your marriage until it is gone completely. Meanwhile, the ability to actually feel intimacy together will wear away at the exact same pace as the trust.

Creates Shame and Emptiness

A husband addicted to porn will justify his actions to himself. He’ll find blame to place on his wife or his life but what he’s really trying to cover up is the shame he’s feeling. The best way to explain this is to imagine the best sex ever had with your wife and the euphoria that accompanied it afterwards. Porn has no chance of ever producing that feeling. It’s not real and it leaves only shame and emptiness after the fact.

Progressively Worse and Unsatisfying

Addictions all work the same way. As they progress, you need more and intensified versions of your addiction. In time, no matter how much is consumed, that satisfied feeling felt in the beginning can never be reached. A porn addict is no different than a drug addict, in that they are both desperately trying to find that high that keeps eluding them. In the end, the addict will either seek help or watch his life fall apart piece by piece. There is hope in the resiliency of the soul. For the sake of all involved, shut the porn down.  Seek help. Here is a place to start. 

Source: Marriage Gems