Tag Archives: self-control

Devotional Tuesday! How to Live Our Life (Courtesy of C3 Journey)

Happy Tueday , fellas!

I hope you are off to productive weeks and looking forward to the stretch run before hitting it hard this weekend.  Today’s devotional comes from our friend Jim Crumbly and C3 Journey.  Hope you enjoy!

Tell the older men that in anything they do, they must not go too far. They must be worthy of respect. They must control themselves. They must have true faith. They must love others. They must not give up. Titus 2:2

How should we live our lives? Titus 2:2 is one verse that gives us SIX rules for life. Six simple yet profound ways of living our daily life that, if followed, can positively impact our relationship with God and our service to others. These rules for life can save our family, grow our career and heal our emotions. Our whole world can be changed if we take this one scripture and adhere to its principals.

ONE: Don’t go to far…

Paul wrote to the Corinthians that all things are permissible but not all things are beneficial. There is grace but there are also boundary lines. Have wine but don’t be prone to drunkenness. Joke around but don’t be crude. Lean on grace but don’t take grace for granted. Be willing to fight but seek peace. Love yourself but focus on others. Be balanced in living a life  in the spirit while also learning to feed the soul.

TWO: Be worthy of respect…

respect-promo-materialRespect is not given, it is earned. Telling the truth…fulfilling your word…being stable in a crisis…admitting when wrong…correcting gently…these traits are the marks of maturity and worthy of respect.

 

THREE: Control yourself…

We all have our bad days when fatigue and stress can easily get the best of us. We all have our weaknesses, those areas of life that grate on our nerves and threaten to bring out our worst.  We all have our triggers and we all have a choice. We can control what sets us off or we can be controlled by what sets us off. The choice is ours.

FOUR: Have true faith…

One of the biblical definitions of “true faith” is  “the character of one who can be relied on.” Who do we rely on? Who do we follow? Who sets an example of faithfulness? Who are we called to emulate? These answer to all of these questions is Jesus. Have true faith by digging into and then following the teachings of Christ.

FIVE: Love others…

There is no greater love than this, to lay down your life. Lay it down. Don’t insist on your way. Serve high by serving low. Give completely of yourself and find yourself completely filled.

SIX: Don’t give up…

How do you know that the miracle is not in the next step…the next prayer…the next minute.

    • Your marriage can recover if you keep doing the right things and don’t give up!
    • Your family can come to Christ if you keep doing the right things and don’t give up!
    • Your finances can recover if you keep doing the right thing and don’t give up!22526d8

And, even if the result is not what we “want” we are STILL called to fight the fight and finish the race. Fight it…Finish it…DON’T GIVE UP!

I’m not going to pretend that I have the answers but I do know the source. God’s word, even in one verse, is full of more wisdom and more insight than a 100 “self-help” manuals. Read it for direction, connection and healing. Follow it and you do end up following your dreams.

Devotional Tuesday! Learn Some Self Contol

 

“Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith. in love and in endurance…Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.  In everything set them an example by doing what is good.  In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.” Titus 2:2, 6-8 (NIV)

When I read this passage the thing that sticks out the most to me is both older men and younger men have a need to for self-control.  This implies that many of us at a young age never learn this skill hence the reminder to teach the older men the same thing.

The whole concept of self-control is getting a bit of media attention recently with the whole Ray Rice debacle.  I won’t say much about this situation other than to use it to highlight the importance of learning self-control.  In one very short minute Ray Rice and his wife’s life was changed forever in a moment of rash, out-of-control behavior.

There are a lot of examples where it is important for men to have self-control and I don’t believe there is any need to highlight them (plus it would take forever to do so!)  Being able to exercise restraint will do you wonders throughout your life, whether it is sports, self-control-medcareer, relationships or personal development.  Self-control is one of the keys to being successful in life.

Paul writes, “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.” I Corinthians 10:23-24

There will be many times in your life when people will push your buttons and you will feel justified to act in defense of yourself or of others.  That doesn’t mean you should.

There will be many times when you will be tempted to do what feels good and you will feel justified because you likely won’t be found out or believe that no one will get hurt.  That is how most situations are until you suddenly are caught or someone does get hurt.  By then it is too late to exercise control.

Paul also writes about teaching men to be worthy of respect.  Having self-control goes hand-in-hand with respect.  If you respect yourself and others it will be easier for you to not live a “reactive” type of lifestyle.

Here are three quick tips to developing and maintaining self-control.

1. Slow down, take a deep breath and try to relax

Especially as young men we can be quick to anger and even quicker to react in anger towards others.  When you start to feel yourself get heated and wanting to lash out, slow down, relax and take a deep breath.  Realize what is at stake here in your decision making process should you lose control.  These moments can be life altering (and not in a good way) if you make a bad choice.

Giving yourself a chance to gain perspective will help you to not overreact to a situation.

2. Don’t let your emotions or hormones get the best of you

We kind of covered the emotions above so let’s address your overactive hormones.  Everyone knows that sex is amazing.  No one would claim that is a new discovery.  Yet so many men lose their minds when even the hint of a potential sexual encounter is on the table.download

Men can become like a bull in a china shop destroying everything in their path just to chase a little tail.  Suddenly anything and everything becomes an option.  Worse yet men sometimes get so amped up over a potential sexual situation when they get turned down they sometimes make some terrible mistakes.

Sex is never a legit reason to lose control and too many men use it as an excuse to behave badly.

3. It’s never as bad (nor difficult) as you think

Anything that is worth doing generally isn’t going to be easy.  Yes it can be challenging to restrain yourself from reacting in certain situations.  Yet as men I believe we lean towards the dramatic when it comes to excuse our bad behavior.  No situation you face will result in an inevitable loss of control beyond your control.  At some point along the way we will flip that switch in our heads and say “heck with it” and relinquish our ability to practice self-control.

I am not saying other people won’t put you in tempting situations (i.e. push your buttons) but if we lose control we can only blame ourselves.  Only you can truly control the decisions you make, the things you say and the actions you take.

If you are able to learn and practice self-control as a younger man you will save yourself all kinds of pain when you get to be older.  I know a lot of men who lost out on their dreams in their 30’s because of impulsive behavior in their teens or twenties.

Hope you found this helpful!  Until tomorrow, make it a better day!

Andrew

How Can You Tell If Someone Needs Help?

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Earlier this week we discussed the difficulties that men have when it comes to asking for help.  If you read the blog then you know one of the examples we looked at was Junior Seau.  At the time I wrote the post I had yet to pick up my copy of the GQ this month.  I was surprised to find an article about Junior in its pages.  If you are a man there might be a lot of emotions that run through your body as you read it.  Two of the most prominent should be sadness and anger.

I was sad and angry for several reasons.  First, the man died way too young and still had so much to offer people.  Up until the point when he passed away he was an inspiring man.  Someone who had made it out of the slums of San Diego to an ocean front view and a lively foundation to help kids just like him escape poverty.  Second, there were people (especially men) who thought something wasn’t right and suspected something bad might or could happen.  I wouldn’t say they did nothing but at least from the article it certainly sounds like they could have done more.  If you ask your friend if they are okay and they say yes, but you know they are lying why would you just drop it?  Why wouldn’t you follow-up with them?  Organize other friends to intervene and talk openly with him about what is going on.

I would be the first to agree that Junior had to want help.  According to the story he asked for it but it doesn’t seem his friends offered any solutions.  When a person’s life is on the line sometimes we have to be more concerned about their health and safety than fearing we might offend them or lose their friendship.  Maybe they were afraid Junior would stop paying for things when they went out?  Who knows.  Regardless of the reasons more should have been done (again at least based on what was in the magazine.)

“He made terrible business decisions. He abused pills. He drank. He gambled away terrifying sums. It was clear to those who knew him well that he was struggling, but no one foresaw his suicide on the morning of May 2, 2012.” 

A  real friend doesn’t let that other bullshit stand in the way of getting things done and trying to help his friends.  “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17  A true friend will accept whatever adversity comes his way if it means he is looking out for a friend.  The challenge is trying to decide when a friend needs help, even more as men because we aren’t likely to come out and say “Bro I am really having a hard time and need help.”

I am not a professional when it comes to dealing with issues such as depression, suicidal thoughts and similar afflictions.  Anyone who is dealing with those and similar issues is strongly encouraged to seek professional help.  However, as a caring and compassionate person it is important we try to figure out what are some of the indicators that a person (especially a guy) is in trouble without him telling us.  As a lawyer, lay pastor and friend I have had plenty of opportunities to minister to and give counsel to many men over the course of my life.  While I haven’t seen it all, I have seen a lot.  I can say without a doubt what follows are the key things I have missed, overlooked or caught just in time when men I have cared about were in a bad spot.

1. Withdraws From Life or Activity

“But after retiring as a very wealthy man in 2010—he earned more than $50 million over the course of his long career—he began to behave uncharacteristically.  He withdrew from family and friends.”

It is human nature that we live our life in certain patterns.  Back in high school I used to work at Tom Thumb (which we lovingly called “The Finger”.)  After only a short time working there it was easy to see that my “regulars” always came in and bought the same thing every day.  It got to the point when I would see them pull up and I would have their lottery ticket and pack of smokes ready for them.  They always acted surprised that I knew what they would be purchasing, as if they had no idea they had bought the same thing every day for the last 6 months.  The truth is we often don’t realize the patterns we create in our daily lives.  It is done subconsciously because despite a desire for spontaneity we also find comfort in doing the same thing, the same way day in and day out.

Perhaps one of the most, if not THE most obvious signs that a guy is struggling with something in his life is when he withdraws from his normal patterns in life.  If he regularly attends church (other examples, softball, bowling, poker night or golfing) and then suddenly he hasn’t shown up in two or three weeks in a row something is almost guaranteed to not be right.  It might not be as serious as depression or suicide but it is a safe bet something is has gone haywire in his life.

We as men withdraw because we don’t want other men to know we are struggling and sure as hell don’t want to let them think we have a weakness or aren’t perfect.  Also, we have the idea in our heads if we show up to softball every guy is going to just figure out what happened or where we screwed up and then we have to add being embarrassed to the list.

One of my mentors as a young man was Joe Warfield who we loving referred to as “Pops.”  Sadly he passed away a few years ago after losing a long time battle with cancer.  Pops used to always refer to this as “going off into the weeds” and it is an abt description.  The idea being once a man gets too far into the weeds you can’t see him anymore as the weeds completely hide him.  I have seen it happen so many times and I am telling you the first sign is ALWAYS a withdrawal from normal activities but especially withdrawing from doing things with his guys friends.  This is why it is essential a man has guy friends he can hang out with.  Guys will hold other guys accountable in a way that women just can’t.

2. Drug and/or Alcohol Abuse – Other Addictive Behaviors

There is certainly nothing wrong with enjoying some beer or having a scotch and cigar.  Nor is there much harm in heading to the track to bet on the ponies.  That isn’t what I am trying to say.  However, many people (not just men) try to use alcohol, drugs and other addictive behavior (i.e. gambling) as a way to escape the pressure they feel in their heads.  Men chase that high from  those activities as a brief and enjoyable break from the stress, depression or other problems plaguing us.  However, most of the times those very things that give us a “break” come back and haunt us making our complicated situation now untenable and usually with few alternatives for a way out.

“We landed in Vegas one time and immediately, within hours, he won 800-something thousand dollars.  I said, “Let’s go home, surf, chill, pay some bills.” But after dinner a whale-watcher [a casino handler charged with roping in big-money gamblers] comes up to the room. Not even two hours later, he comes back up and hits the table with a glass and starts cussing.  He had lost it all. He’s lying on his bed looking at the ceiling, and I go, “Buddy, you gotta stop this, man.” He goes, “We got this. We’ll get ’em tomorrow.” The next morning the whale-watchers show up. June got another half-million dollars, and he goes back down and loses the whole thing.”

You don’t need to blow that kind of money that quickly for your friends to be concerned.  Clearly this is an unlikely situation for most anyone who reads this blog.  It just illustrates not only a potential addiction problem but also that your friend has quit caring what happens to him (i.e. his money.)  I doubt you have many friends that make the kind of cheddar where they can walk away from dropping $1000 (or whatever amount) and NOT care.  Which leads into our third point.

3. Careless or Reckless Behaviorjunior-seau-gq-magazine-september-2013-sports-05

Granted drug and alcohol abuse could fit into this section but there are other signs your friend might be in trouble even without the drug and alcohol abuse or gambling.  I am not talking about a friend suddenly deciding he wants to go skydiving when he has never done so in the past.  Unless of course he wants to go alone and without a parachute.  That should probably tell you something is not quite kosher.

Several months before he ultimately killed himself Seau drove off a seaside cliff and somehow managed to survive the crash.  He claimed he fell asleep at the wheel and drove off by accident but to do so without cranking the wheel intentionally is just not possible at that part on the highway.

I have had several friends who, when struggling with depression and other things have behaved in extremely careless ways.  One friend in particular purposely would drive recklessly just hoping he would get into an accident whereby he would be killed.  He purposely didn’t wear a seatbelt while doing so and often had been drinking too much.  How he never died in a crash and rarely even managed to get into an accident is a miracle (and I don’t use that phrase lightly.)  Another friend started picking fights with the wrong kind of guys when we would be out somewhere.  Eventually one night while out alone he finally picked the right guy and almost had his head caved in.  He was in a coma for two days, broke an arm, a few ribs and a lot of brain cells.  When his friends (including me) found out we got him help – once he finally was released from the hospital.  He didn’t like it and cursed us out like a sailor for forcing him to get help but it was the right call.  He managed to pull his life together, got married and even has a few kids and has stayed on the straight and narrow ever since.  Fortunately, both of those stories have a happy ending but many more do not.

4. Sometimes You Just Know

Sometimes you just know that something isn’t right.  You might not be able to point at any particular set of circumstances or activity but there is just something in your gut that tells a person their friend is in some kind of trouble.  Don’t ignore that feeling.  If you have it, it likely means you are on to something, especially if that feeling doesn’t go away.

So if you have that feeling what should you do?  First, be sure you are taking time to really observe your friend’s behavior.  I don’t mean stalking them I simply mean try to be more observant about the things they say and what they do when you hang out.  If they are the kind of person who returns calls or texts, are they doing that?  Or have they stopped?  Or has it been infrequent with no real reason for the delays.  Second, you have to discuss your concern with them and don’t simply take “everything is fine” for an answer right away.  Finally, I know I mentioned it before but you can’t be afraid to upset your friend with your concern.  If you have to be a jack ass and really force them to open up to you about their life than do that.  True friendships with deep roots can survive any storm and getting in a friends face about their behavior is the kind of thing that a friend is supposed to do.

We are our brother’s keeper and it is important we take that role seriously.  Everyone needs a hand up at some point in their life even if they never realize it.

Here is hoping you have a great weekend!  Until Monday make it a better day!

Andrew

Part II – Important Lessons Learned in My First Year of Marriage

Happy Newlyweds in Front of Mansion

This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I am excited to be a part of along with hundreds of motivational and passionate bloggers. To learn more and join us, click here! 

Today is Part II from my blog yesterday.  Again this was a blog I had shared back in November when my wife and I were celebrating our first year of marriage together.  I welcome all your comments and feedback either above, below or via twitter: @ACSloss @BetterMenNow

6. Spend Time Together

This might seem like an obvious thing for someone to “learn” about being married.  However, I have learned that some of the most basic lessons are also the easiest to forget after a while.  I mean on the honeymoon you get all of this time just the two of you and that is so awesome.  Even more so if you are able to go to a nice relaxing locale for your honeymoon.

When you come home from your honeymoon (or if you have postponed your honeymoon, right after the wedding) reality sets in and suddenly there is work, deadlines, social activities, thank you cards etc., that all have to get done.  Leaving openings during your week to spend time together can be difficult.  If you aren’t careful a month (or more) has gone by and you realize you haven’t spent as much time as you would like together.1450764_10151739769662544_846577224_n

It wasn’t quite so drastic for Sharlay and I but there was a point where we really weren’t spending as much time together as we wanted.  She would work late (and far from home) and so we would get maybe two hours a night for 5 days at a time to spend together.  At least thirty minutes of that would be making and eating dinner and that generally left only a little time to talk about our days, have sex or whatever.

Eventually we had to be sure to carve out time for just the two of us.  If that meant sleeping in on a Sunday and not going to church one week we did that.  If it meant I would go to work an hour later than usual I would be sure I communicated I was coming in late to my supervisor.  It also just meant we needed to prioritize ourselves over our families during that first year.  We agreed (Sharlay did so reluctantly) that all the major holidays would just be shared between her and I.  No family, no friends, just her and I.  It was beautiful and just what I needed to start my marriage.  The families weren’t too happy, especially hers but as we will learn tomorrow sometimes you have to tell your family “no.”  The rest of our lives we would have to share holidays with family and friends but that first year we simply wanted to share those moments with each other.  A kid, family and friend free holiday was awesome.

Everyone is different and how you and your wife spend time together will also be different.  However, I believe for every couple you cannot forget the importance of spending time together AFTER the honeymoon.  No matter how long you have been together something changes when the marriage becomes official and making time for one another is important.

7. Set Yearly Goals

This was something totally new for Sharlay.  While she in the past had “set goals” she had done so mostly in her head and by the end of the year had forgotten most of them anyway (no offense babe!).  Instead what we did is we created a vision board (still trying to come up with a more manly name for it) using clippings from magazines, newspapers etc., from around the house.  We purchased a cardboard display board from Michael’s and then spent one entire day (New Year’s Day I believe) working in it.

Start-ups-Vision-740The idea was to cut out images, words and the like which represented things we wanted to accomplish for 2013.  We then pasted them to the board, talked about what they represented and prayed about them.  We then left the vision board up in our apartment where we could see it for about 6 months until we had to make room for other things.

During the course of the year we have pulled it out to look at it and chart our progress.  Something things we have accomplished, some are still in progress and others will likely be on our board again in 2014.  You don’t have to use this model for setting your goals but you should at least spend time discussing (and recording) them, both individual and family goals.

It helps you feel like a team and encourages you during the course of the year as you slowly see those goals become a reality.  It also serves as a good kick in the ass if you aren’t moving as quickly as you would like towards those goals.  It is never a matter of determining at the end of the year if you were or weren’t successful during the prior 12 months.  Rather it is all about casting a vision for you and your family to pursue and go after.

 8.  Communicate

I realize most of you are thinking this is a stupid thing to learn during your first year of marriage.  Granted everyone should realize the importance of communication before you get married.  However, now that a year has passed, I have realized there were 9191213some areas that require communication because I took for granted Sharlay and I would be on the same page.

Everyone has different experiences in relationships.  Some people never date mean people.  Other people never date nice people.  Some men don’t feel comfortable talking about finances with their wives and some wives have no problem discussing finances with their husband.  Even more people find it weird that a couple would ever have to communicate anything as it relates to sex.

The bottom-line is you need to communicate about everything in a marriage.  This is especially true with two people who have had completely different experiences and thus two completely different set of expectations.  In order to have a successful relationship we have to be willing to discuss every area of our life and relationship if necessary.  I am not saying every little thing requires a sit down meeting with an agenda and a slide show presentation.  What I am saying is that if one of you is feeling frustrated, angry or like you aren’t getting what you want out of the relationship or a certain aspect of the relationship the only way you will ever get it fixed is to talk about it.

It might make you (or your spouse/partner) feel uncomfortable, weird and even nervous to discuss but if the goal is to have a successful relationship you both have to be willing to get things out in the open.  Life and relationships are about compromises and only through communication with each other can those compromises be reached.  Don’t be embarrassed.  Don’t feel disrespected or insecure.  Just be an adult and talk things through.

9.  Walk The Line

Yes this is a Johnny Cash reference.  I am a tremendous fan of the Man in Black, his music and even his bumpy journey in life.  He was a man who had plenty of demons when he was younger and paid the price for many of them.  Yet, he did the best he could after making a lot of mistakes to straighten his life out and get right with God.  He even managed to fall in love with his dream girl and have the fortune to share a career with her.  I would never defend the things he did earlier in his life including cheating on his wife, drug and alcohol abuse and at times being a celebrity diva to the max.  Yet despite all those things Johnny tried to do a lot of good in this world especially later in life.wedding_1214854c

I am not writing about Johnny Cash though.

There is something about getting engaged and later getting married that seems to set off a chain reaction in this universe.  Temptation will always come our way as men but there is a Tsunami-like wave that is generated around the time of our engagement and wedding.  Women you never thought you would ever hear from again (some you don’t even remember dating or talking to even) suddenly are blowing up your phone.  The bizarre thing is they don’t even know you are engaged or married!  I know this because they aren’t friends with any of my friends.  They aren’t on Facebook as my friend or with any of my other “friends.”  I have no other social media connections to them.  Just out of the blue they call and say “Hey Andrew! It’s ‘Sally.’ Long time no talk, do you want to meet up and get drinks?”

Sally who?  Didn’t we have one date three years ago and you never called ME back?  Why do you still have my phone number?  That is just an example of the “clean” version of random messages, texts or emails I received as I got closer to getting married.  It’s like somehow all these women knew without knowing they had a short window to try to re-connect with me.  I know Sharlay also experienced the same phenomenon.  Her and I were both shocked and said the same thing one day “Where are all you people coming from?!”  Is there a database people subscribe to or what?

My point is this men, be careful.  You have to keep your head on a swivel.  Keep your heart protected (and your penis in your pants.)  You will be tested.  You will be tried.  Do NOT be found wanting.  Weird shit is going to go down and I promise you at least one of those women who come from out of nowhere are going to know EXACTLY what buttons to push to tempt you.

Ladies, don’t get all crazy if this happens to your man.  It probably will happen to you as well.  There is an 80% chance that your guy did nothing to bring this on himself.

10.  Do Nice Things

This one is pretty simple.  Don’t stop doing nice things for each other.  They don’t have to be super romantic or over the top (although they can be!) focus on doing things your wife will enjoy and that make her smile.  Sharlay loves it when I send her a video message (usually innocent but not always) or leave her a note before I go off to work in the morning.

couple-happy-kiss-love-married-Favim_com-256932_largeI have found it is the simple things like this that make me think more often about my wife during the day and keeps me motivated on those days when work and life is more challenging than usual.  Your wife will appreciate knowing she is top of your mind most of the time and it will make her feel loved.  In return she will help make you feel respected.  In both situations batteries are recharged, life goes on and people are having fantastic sex.  Who doesn’t like fantastic sex?  So do nice things and don’t make it complicated!

That is it for today’s blog!  I hope, as always, you were able to find something helpful on this page to help you just a bit better today than you were yesterday.  The goal is never perfection, only improvement.  Don’t forget that if today you weren’t better, you can be tomorrow so don’t give up!

Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy here.

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Sacrifice

 “Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his friends” John 15:13 NIV


One of the keys to any successful relationship is sacrifice.  If you think sacrifice is too strong of a word than perhaps unselfishness is a better term for you.  Jesus Christ’s sacrifice for the sake of the world clearly stands as the ultimate sacrifical and unselfish moment in the history of humanity.

As an only child I can certainly testify to the difficulty of sacrificing for others and being unselfish. When I was growing up people routinely sacrificed for me, not the other way around. While I am sure there are plenty of only children who are not spoiled, this was not the case with me. The concept of sharing didn’t even register with me unless it involved you sharing something with me. 

While that attitude is more acceptable as a child (I Cor 13:11) it is not acceptable once you begin adolescence and stumble into adulthood. There was no shortage of tension put on all my relationships as I got older and yet I had no interest in sharing my things or sacrificing for the good of any relationship. Needless to say I had to learn the hard way and then only after several lost friendships. 

God has called all of us to a selfless, sacrificing kind of love for all of humanity. We are not supposed to take a “day off” when it comes to being selfless. In I Corinthians Paul writes “Love…is not self-seeking” notice it doesn’t say “Love is sometimes not self-seeking.” I would be the first person to tell you it isn’t easy but just because it isn’t easy doesn’t excuse me from doing my best to love others unselfishly. 

If you find that you are a selfish person I encourage you to take deliberate action and be selfless towards another person today. We all have to start somewhere! If you already are practicing the art of loving others unselfishly, then congratulations, now take it to a new level. Consider sacrificing something of yours for someone you don’t know. We can always go deeper with God. A great example of being called to this level can be found in Matthew 19:15-30. 

Please also take the time to pray and ask God to search out the selfishness in your own heart. If you have hurt others by your actions or inaction ask God for forgiveness if you haven’t already. Be encouraged my brothers, we are all works in progress! Continue to persevere and run your race for the glory of God! 

Here are some additional verses to guide you. Have an incredible day! 

Prov 18:1-3 
Phil 2:3 
James 3:13-17 
Psalm 119:35-37